Burning bridges 

Sometimes finally getting things of your chest and saying what you feel is great. Just letting rip is awesome. 

I finally did it. Finally gave a few the sharp side of my tongue. It felt good because bottling things up is never good. Got it of my chest, things that had been bugging me for months and years. 

But telling close loved ones how you feel about them or telling them how they piss you off is like watching a tsunami. 

It’s a path of self destruction, those bridges are well and truly burnt. 

Sometimes there is no going back…. 

Advertisements

Feeling Meh 

Sometimes one of our biggest mistakes in life is caring too much. I never thought I’d find myself saying this, but here I am. 

Many don’t deserve the time and effort you put into the relationship you have with these people. All the signs are there that this person isn’t invested in you as much as you are in them. But you continuously ignore it. Forgiving, forgetting and moving on. Till finally you realise you can’t take anymore. Enough is enough. 

The worst part is trying to learn how to stop caring… 

Secret diaries of him part 10

It seemed no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t get rid of Rosie. I thought that I should’ve just killed her off. 
Raj acted smitten with her and would continuously message her. Truth was he was curious because was suspicious of who she was. There were times he was convinced it was me. 
My own relationship with him was rocky to say the least. We would go weeks ignoring each other and when we did speak it was like the distance and time just fell away. He wanted it all, he truly did. He justified his flirtatious ways as him just being friendly. I’d let it go and say the same back when he’d have an issue with me being “over friendly” with my Facebook “mates” After all why should we have double standards. If it’s good enough for him it’s good enough for me. There was no joy in it but at times I felt like I was fighting a losing battle. 
That was Facebook for you. Sometimes we become trapped in our own games. 
Zia and I were getting closer and closer. Lazy chats about anything and everything. He opened up about his marriage and family. He truly was unhappy and I was right she was a control freak. She controlled everything including the finances, which later became even more obvious. 
He asked about Raj and I told him that while things were ok our backgrounds were a huge issues to our families. So he would be finishing his studies and be moving abroad. Once he did I would defo fly out to meet him. That was the plan. 
Zia one day confided he didn’t like the fact Rosie and him were friends. Well I replied not much can be done about that. It’s a free world. 
By now because I avoided Neema as much as possible she wasn’t happy. I’d keep rejecting her friend request and one day I noticed her and Raj had become friends on Facebook then Zia too. 
I wasn’t amused and I let it be known. Raj had a flippant attitude. He said they are Rosie’s friends. She’s told me all about them. Do you know how filthy they are he said. They want her to be his second wife. You he said should keep away from them. 
When I spoke to Zia about it his answer was. I’m just here to make like minded friends and pass my time. I said why Raj? I rather you didn’t. He says he seems like a nice guy. Must be if you and Rosie are friends and Neema too. I’d like to get to know him better. 

Secret diaries of him part 7

I seemed very lost and agitated at this point. I wanted to keep the friendship but it was getting too serious and intense. Basing any relationship on lies is never a good thing and right now I was feeling the weight of my mistakes. I needed to get rid of Rosie and maybe let them get to know me, Aneesa and start all over again. Maybe be proper friends. But hell who was I trying to kid. 
By now Raj was insisting on chatting on the phone with Rosie and he wanted to see her on camera. But how could I? As soon as I did he would know it’s really me. All the more reason to get out. He was already suspecting Rosie was me for these reasons and a few others. He kept insisting Rosie reminded him of me. Zia had said the same thing too and had even gone far enough as to send a friend request to my own account. He’d tried to initiate a conversation which so far I had ignored. It was too close for comfort. 
I phoned Zia one day and told him that as much as I want him (shush it’s part of my plan) I don’t think I could be a second wife. He went very quiet. I continued. I went on and said I’m not asking you to leave her I know you won’t and can’t but I also know I can’t share you. I could tell he wasn’t happy and he wasn’t saying much either. I decided to cut the call short. 
I thought right that’s enough to make them both realise that these plans are too silly and too far fetched. Second wives don’t come that easy and certainly not in the form of a sassy young rich girl in the middle of her studies.   
When I spoke to Neema a few days later she never mentioned my convo with Zia, it was clear he hadn’t told her. Which kinda pissed me off a little. Her plans were still full steam ahead. 
I messaged him and asked why does she still think everything is normal. (Normal 😏) he replied I don’t want to break her heart she really likes you and is excited about visiting. 
My heart sank realising he’s more twisted than her. What the hell was going on here! I really needed to think. No matter what I said or did I thought that crazy couple would turn up here anyway. I had a feeling he had told her then again maybe not. 
Ok I knew what I had to do, a little drastic but enough to get me out of this mess. I sent a message to Neema and Zia. 
” I have a family emergency my father has been in a car accident it’s really serious I have to go home” 

Secret Diaries of him part 5

As the days went on Zia and I got closer and closer. I realised we had much in common and really enjoyed each other’s company. We could talk about anything and everything. He struggled to find that with his wife.
He said Neema was suffering from depression and recently hadn’t been keeping too well. Some gyno problems that caused a lot of bleeding. (Which she mentioned too) his issue was their sex life was non existent.
She said the same thing. Even as going as far as saying they thought she had cancer. All she wanted was to be sure that Zia was happy and she didn’t mind a second wife. She said they had discussed it often and she didn’t have a problem because she knew he would be fair. She also said her only demand was that it be someone that she could get on with.
So in my head what’s starting is a realisation that if she’s talking about cancer etc and they’ve been discussing this for years then they truly must be serious about this because even he insisted she was being serious and he truly wanted this.
She would call all excited about looking at condos and apartments for me. I would gently say to her that there’s plenty of time I still have a few years of study but nothing deterred her.
The question I started asking myself was this possible? Could I move there to live with them? Could I be a second wife? The answer truly was no. I did like him but no I hadn’t fallen for him.
We had our moments where in texts or on the phone we would get carried away. We indulged in fantasies of Neema watching us while we made mad passionate love 🙈 Something about that really turned me 🙊 on and clearly him too. Sometimes I’d be really nasty to her in those fantasies and we loved it 😈
Anyways moving on (yes that’s enough for now) 😝
She on the other hand had her moments too. She would tell me about things he liked doing in bed and would say “don’t worry you won’t have any issues in that department” some will find this weird but the conversations just seemed so natural and an extension of everything else she would talk about.
One thing I should let you guys know they introduced me to their kids as their friend and very often they would come on the phone and say hi. Sometimes resulting in some nice chit chats. Their youngest daughter was a special needs child too. One of the reasons why she said she was accepting of a second wife rather than separating was due to her needs and the help they needed looking her.
So as you can see I slowly started believing their story and I was getting sucked right into their idea of being that second wife. I didn’t know where this was leading to. I was trying to figure it out myself. Because by now Zia was in love with me and hurting him was the last thing on my mind.
Then about a month into the friendship/relationship Neema calls me. She says I have some great news. We are coming to visit you in the summer!
My blood ran cold just listening to her all excited about the impending trip. She had it all planned out. The details were mind boggling…
Tbc

Secret Diaries Of Him part4 

The next day while chatting on the phone to the wife she says oh Zia has just come home and continues to ask me would you like to chat to him. I’m like sure I’ll say hi. She calls to him to pick up the extension phone and soon I hear his voice. 
After exchanging pleasantries she tells him Rosie has agreed to be your second wife. Isn’t that great. You could tell he was embarrassed and a bit speechless. He said Rosie what’s going on. I replied she’s telling the truth she asked and I agreed. 
He sounded a little pissed. “Are you guys for real?” She says yeah it’s true what’s the problem. He hangs up and she and I started laughing. She tells me don’t worry about him I’ll sort him out. You know Rosie she says we are gonna have so much fun.  
Eventually I hung up thinking she can’t be serious. I had a good idea she was winding me up. But what if she wasn’t? 
Later on Zia calls me. Hes in his car and straight away asks me. Is this what you really want? Do you have feelings for me? I’m like yeah sure I do 🙄 like is he for real? He then surprises me by saying I like you too. In fact I like you a lot. 
Me being the idiot I am. Replies “well we are on the right track then aren’t we”
He said what about your parents. I told him that once I tell them this is what they will agree. He then says I’ll be happy to talk to them myself and show them you will want for nothing. I’m like yeah sure you can. Im family is gonna love you! (And your wife and your kids) 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 
She called later that day and said I’ve decided once you finish your studios ju 

He started phoning me a few times a day and we would chat away… We really did get on well and then one day just as he was hanging up he said
“I think im falling for you…”  

Secret Diaries Of Him part 3 

While chatting to his wife in box the interrogation was on. Who are you where are you from etc etc She said if you ever need anything just let me know ill send. I thought how sweet is she. She then says I really need someone like you. I’m thinking what does she mean by that, maybe she wants a mate. She’s lonely she’s bored. 
She insisted we chat on the phone and eventually we did. 
She was Pakistani and from back home. In the very first five minutes of the conversation she tells me I’m looking for a second wife for my husband. I’m like, why? She proceeded to tell me it’s because she doesn’t keep well and is unable to keep him happy. ( yeah it sounds bizarre and unreal but that’s what she said ) i replied ok good luck finding one. 
She asks me what do you think of him. Right I straight away saw where the convo was going and I decided to play along because I had a feeling she was just messing about. I said he’s nice good looking guy. Anyone would be lucky to have him. 
She says that’s great Rosie because I really like you and I think you would be great. I replied sure why not I think you’re awesome too. She says think of all the fun we would have shopping and going out. She said Zia is so gonna be jealous. I’m like yayyyy lets do this. (I know! I know! but I got caught up in the moment) 😳 
After I hung up I thought what an utter nutter and decided not to speak to either of them again. It was just too creepy. She was weird capital letters 🙄
Later that day Zia messages he wants to play poker again. During the game there’s part of the game I’m not getting and we both decide to chat on the phone so he can explain better. Plus I was curious to hear his voice. My earlier resolution to keep away from them was long forgotten. 
His voice was deep very soothing. He was also very well spoken, American born and a kicking accent to go with it. I liked him.