Funny Stuff

Physics Teacher: Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn’t that wonderful?

Student: Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn’t have discovered anything.

Two factory workers are talking.

Woman: I can make the boss give me the day off.
Man: And how would you do that?
Woman: “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.

Boss comes in: What are you doing?
Woman: I’m a light bulb.
Boss: You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.

The man starts to follow her and the boss says: Where are you going?
The man says: I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.

A man is talking to God.

The man: God, how long is a million years?
God: To me, it’s about a minute.
The man: God, how much is a million dollars?
God: To me it’s a penny.
The man: God, may I have a penny?
God: Wait a minute.

A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, “Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.”

The mother exclaimed, “But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this … by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?”

The little girl replied, “My homework.”

The students were lined up in the cafeteria for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.”

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”

Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?
Joseph: Because of a sign down the road.
Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?
Joseph: The sign said, “School Ahead, Go Slow!”

The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?”

After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”

“Isn’t the principal a dummy!” said a boy to a girl.
“Well, do you know who I am?” asked the girl.
“No.” replied the boy.
“I’m the principal’s daughter.” said the girl.
“And do you know who I am?” asked the boy.
“No,” she replied.
“Thank goodness!” said the boy with a sign of relief.

Teacher asked George: how can you prove the earth is round?
George replied: I can’t. Besides, I never said it was.

Teacher: Here is a math problem. If your dad earned $300 dollars a week and he gave your mother half, what should he have?
Student: A heart attack.

Teacher: This essay on your dog is, word for word, the same as your brother’s.
Student: Yes, sir, it is the same dog.

A POEM FOR MY MOTHER

I miss you so much,
your laugh, your smile, your touch.
You always brightened my days
with all the smiles you sent my way.
I need you as my angel
to always be at my side.
I need you as my angel
to give me peace of mind.
I like to think your near to me
to know that you are there.
Even though I can not see you,
I feel that you are near.
Please do not forget me mom,
for you are always in my heart,
my thoughts and prayers.
I love you.

~By Shari M. Blom~

Even to hear you scold me once again… just anything… to feel something… to hear you…

Amy Winehouse – family bereft at death

The family of singer Amy Winehouse say they have been left “bereft” by her death at the age of 27.

Celebrities and fans have lined up to pay tribute to the singer after she was found dead at her home in Camden, north London on Saturday.

The family’s statement said: “Our family has been left bereft by the loss of Amy, a wonderful daughter, sister, niece. She leaves a gaping hole in our lives. We are coming together to remember her and we would appreciate some privacy and space at this terrible time.”

Winehouse battled drink and drug problems throughout her career and news of her death was quickly followed by suggestions that it could be related to one or the other.

But Superintendent Raj Kohli has warned it is “inappropriate” to speculate at this stage on the cause of death, which is being treated as “unexplained”. A post-mortem is likely to take place on Monday.

One of Winehouse’s security team had found her and called an ambulance.

The singer’s grief-stricken mother Janis told the Sunday Mirror she had seen her daughter the day before she was found dead. She said: “She seemed out of it. But her passing so suddenly still hasn’t hit me.”

The performer had said “I love you” at the end of a day out together, and her mother said she would always treasure those words.

Father Mitch, who flew back from New York when he heard the news, said: “This isn’t real. I’m completely devastated.”

Celebrities including Russell Brand, Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood and producer Mark Ronson have all paid tribute to the multi-award winning performer, with Brand, a former addict, calling her “a genius” and saying addiction should be treated like a potentially fatal illness.