Secret Diaries Of Him part4 

The next day while chatting on the phone to the wife she says oh Zia has just come home and continues to ask me would you like to chat to him. I’m like sure I’ll say hi. She calls to him to pick up the extension phone and soon I hear his voice. 
After exchanging pleasantries she tells him Rosie has agreed to be your second wife. Isn’t that great. You could tell he was embarrassed and a bit speechless. He said Rosie what’s going on. I replied she’s telling the truth she asked and I agreed. 
He sounded a little pissed. “Are you guys for real?” She says yeah it’s true what’s the problem. He hangs up and she and I started laughing. She tells me don’t worry about him I’ll sort him out. You know Rosie she says we are gonna have so much fun.  
Eventually I hung up thinking she can’t be serious. I had a good idea she was winding me up. But what if she wasn’t? 
Later on Zia calls me. Hes in his car and straight away asks me. Is this what you really want? Do you have feelings for me? I’m like yeah sure I do 🙄 like is he for real? He then surprises me by saying I like you too. In fact I like you a lot. 
Me being the idiot I am. Replies “well we are on the right track then aren’t we”
He said what about your parents. I told him that once I tell them this is what they will agree. He then says I’ll be happy to talk to them myself and show them you will want for nothing. I’m like yeah sure you can. Im family is gonna love you! (And your wife and your kids) 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 
She called later that day and said I’ve decided once you finish your studios ju 

He started phoning me a few times a day and we would chat away… We really did get on well and then one day just as he was hanging up he said
“I think im falling for you…”  

Secret Diaries Of Him part 3 

While chatting to his wife in box the interrogation was on. Who are you where are you from etc etc She said if you ever need anything just let me know ill send. I thought how sweet is she. She then says I really need someone like you. I’m thinking what does she mean by that, maybe she wants a mate. She’s lonely she’s bored. 
She insisted we chat on the phone and eventually we did. 
She was Pakistani and from back home. In the very first five minutes of the conversation she tells me I’m looking for a second wife for my husband. I’m like, why? She proceeded to tell me it’s because she doesn’t keep well and is unable to keep him happy. ( yeah it sounds bizarre and unreal but that’s what she said ) i replied ok good luck finding one. 
She asks me what do you think of him. Right I straight away saw where the convo was going and I decided to play along because I had a feeling she was just messing about. I said he’s nice good looking guy. Anyone would be lucky to have him. 
She says that’s great Rosie because I really like you and I think you would be great. I replied sure why not I think you’re awesome too. She says think of all the fun we would have shopping and going out. She said Zia is so gonna be jealous. I’m like yayyyy lets do this. (I know! I know! but I got caught up in the moment) 😳 
After I hung up I thought what an utter nutter and decided not to speak to either of them again. It was just too creepy. She was weird capital letters 🙄
Later that day Zia messages he wants to play poker again. During the game there’s part of the game I’m not getting and we both decide to chat on the phone so he can explain better. Plus I was curious to hear his voice. My earlier resolution to keep away from them was long forgotten. 
His voice was deep very soothing. He was also very well spoken, American born and a kicking accent to go with it. I liked him. 

Secret Diaries of Him (part 2) 

Friends requests were sent to him and a few people on his friends list. Next day it was accepted and with it a message. “Do you know our family or are you random?” I replied just random. I think we chatted a bit. 

He was married with some kids. No biggie it’s just chatting innit. He asked about me. I said I was at Dundee uni studying dentistry. Originally from Germany. (Oh shush! I just said what came into my head!) 
Later that evening I noticed he had unfriended me. I thought oh well that was short lived 😂 but that night he messages asking if I want to play Fb poker. I said sure but he had to add me again to play.  
While playing I noticed his wife was in the game too…. He said she’s sending you a request just add her. I’m like ok fine the more the merrier. Little did I know that I was gonna regret this later on. 
At some point she comes on my wall and very arrogantly claims my dp is fake. I told her to shut up and get lost. Turns out the pic I was using was some famous Pakistani actress 😳 how careless was I! (I’ve got smarter since then) 
Then she later comes into my inbox and starts chatting away and being extremely nice… And suggests we chat on the phone… Another mistake I’d live to regret… 
Tbc

Secret Diaries Of Him part 1 

Id made the fake account on Facebook to try and see if Raj was upto no good because lately he’d been distant and not talking much. Call it paranoia or wherever it was really starting to get to me. One should never do internet relationships but hell little did I know I was about to enter another that would consume the next five years of my life. 

The fake account was ready I’d called her Rosie and given her a very eye catching picture. She’d defo catch Raj’s eye once I’d put her in the right places. All I now needed was a few Fb buddies to make the account look real. 

I sent a few random requests and then one guy in particular caught my eye. He was American and the idea that he was in a different time zone seemed perfect. If we got chatting he’d be around when my other buddies weren’t late at night. It would mean I’d always have someone to chat to when I’m bored. Friend request sent to Nawaz Ahmed…. 

Your beautiful spirit

When life gives you a few knocks we get up brush ourselves off and get on with it. But once we are knocked down again and again, getting up each time becomes more and more difficult. Our spirit becomes broken, egos become deflated and our heart begins to lose hope. Where do we go from here? How do I cope or survive? But there’s that little thing inside you that never gives up, you know as long as you’ve got a little bit of fight left inside you, it’s enough to keep getting you up and keep you moving on.

One of the greatest supports are the people around you. While it may be difficult to reach out to someone, somehow there’s always that one person who reaches out to you, without even trying or knowing. It’s like the most natural thing in the world them just being there holding you up with their own spirit and strength. Their one sentence can hold more power than the words of a hundred people. An emotional connection is born without you even realising it. A physical connection becomes trivial as the mind and heart starts to bond. Soon before you know it, in the crowd that’s the only person you see, everyone else just falls away. It’s only them you hear calling your name, talking to you, smiling laughing with you. No one else exists in your thoughts or mind. Wherever you turn or look they are there with you every step of the way. Sharing every waking moment with you and then in every sleeping moment too. Stepping into your dreams like they belong there, being everything you needed and wanted them to be. Consuming you, intoxicating you, becoming you. You wake up as one, sweet smiles cross your face for the rest of the day and you can’t wait once again to fall asleep and be theirs again and they yours. It’s in your dreams you dream dreams. And when you’re awake your reality becomes a dream. Before you know it they are your every step, breath, every thought and every waking moment.

When did they seep into your blood and sweat? You can hear them, smell them, feel them,yet it’s only their spiritual presence you’re intoxicated by and you are not your own anymore. You belong to another without giving yourself, planning it or wanting it. What’s happened to you? Do you even know? Do you realise you are glowing? Smiling? Laughing? What’s happened to you? they ask and some just tell you. Your shyness shows and you feel coy. You need a private moment to collect your thoughts and you wonder could it be true or even possible that this is happening to you. And you start to think and remember those little moments when with each word and gesture they touched your heart and began to melt it and mould it with their own. You panic a little, you fear a little that you’ve lost control lost yourself and didn’t even know it. You try to compose yourself but your heart is beating with joy and it takes over all your fears and thoughts and you know your heart is now in control. You know it’s pointless trying to fight this or think logically. And do you want to? No you don’t. You’re loving this feeling now of belonging somewhere being someone’s and not feeling alone.

And the most beautiful part is they don’t know yet that the beauty shining within you and the warm glow in your heart is because of them… Your journey into the abyss isn’t complete, no not yet. Your story is incomplete!

Your story has just begun….

Love came knocking!

I think love came knocking on my door
He said hi I’m about to become your life
Your thought your every waking moment
I’m gonna run through your blood and ride you like crazy
You will be mine and only mine my sweet baby
I slammed the door shut locked him out
He didn’t bang on the door or give a shout
Simply laughed and said
I’m in you now and you can’t lock me out!

The bigger plan

We take so much in life for granted that we never realise that some of these things can be taken away in an instant. Even through no fault of our own we can lose something that we didn’t even know was so precious to us till it’s gone. Some things lost or gone can never be regained yet it can shape and destine our future forever. Perhaps one day we will come to understand and know what the bigger plan was. Maybe it’s bigger than any of us can ever imagine but one things for sure God gives the toughest battles to his strongest soldiers.