Who are you really?

If we all could choose to be anyone we wanted to be who would we choose? Or what would we want to be? Or could we simply think “no this is who I am and I’m sticking with it!”

I recently came across something disturbing and realised that as much as we think we know someone how well do we know them? When we doubt their authenticity and its being denied do we trust our instincts or do we choose to trust the very person we doubt?

I think I knew from day one that all was not right. But decided to give the benefit of doubt. I didn’t really care to be honest. After all Internet friendships/relationships come with certain elements of fantasies and extravaganza. So what the hell if someone wants to pretend they are someone or something else.

But as time goes you get tired of the pretence. It gets to the stage you just want a little bit of genuineness and some honesty. For someone to just take your friendship seriously and respect you enough to reveal their true selves. To know and trust you when you say “I know, but it doesn’t matter, lets just be honest with one another”

Sadness is when they’re not ready or too scared to step out of the trap they find themselves in, to move into a genuine honest and unconditional friendship. What they don’t realise that eventually they too will tire of the pretence, lies, cover ups and fantasies and by then it will be too late they will have gone too far and too deep to turn back.

So what does that say about them or us? What sort of society do we live on where we fear to be ourselves and pretend to be someone else? Is it that we feel that we will only be accepted if we are beautiful/handsome, rich, desired or amazing?

I guess the Internet allows people to deal with insecurities in the worst way possible. Rather than trying to be ourselves many have found this medium to hide their true identities and live in a world that while appears fun and amazing you eventually realise its just a painful fantasy that will never come true and one u can never escape from. It’s heaven trapped in hell.

I love the way you lied

So many promises, so many hopes you gave me, so many dreams we shared, you made me believe it all, I love the way you lied. 

When everyone said get out, I stayed, I gave you the benefit of doubt, I love the way you lied.

You promised to never hurt me, you promised to never leave me, I love the way you lied. 

I look down at my scars and instantly feel that pain again, didn’t you promise me you would die first before anything ever hurt me? You never lied. 

They said another 5 minutes and I would have been with you, the cuts were so deep, just another 5 minutes. Didn’t you say you would always keep me buy your side? I love the way you lied. 

I look at your epitaph, I finger the engraved words “most honest and generous… ” are some of the words there.. I never loved you… I just loved your lies.. I love the way  you lied.