The beginning of the end…

A million ways to say goodbye and I sadly walked away
Couldn’t bear to see the sorrow or a tear fall from your eye
Think of me happy with fond memories and a time I made you smile
Maybe not today or tomorrow I understand it could take a while
I won’t turn round to look I’ll carry on walking I won’t let you see my pain
I won’t answer the phone we won’t be talking don’t call again
Best you don’t reach out and no messages to you I’ll send
Let’s pretend we never happened there was no us then there will be no end….

I’m always inside you

Is it helping
The silence, The emptying
Of your soul

Does it feel good
The emptiness? The loneliness
Your heart so cold?

Do you ignore it? Or push it
To the back of your head

Or do you wish
Somewhere, all the feelings were
Gone from inside, dead.

When you wake up
In the morning and realise
I’m still here and so is she
Inside my head….

Since you took your love away

As I say good bye to each day
I die inside a little more
It’s another day since you
Took your love away

Never thought I could cry each day
Shed tears, my eyes so sore.
It’s another day I’m learning
To live with out you.

How do I learn not to
Love you no more
How do I learn
To not want you no more.

I close my eyes and wish
To not feel you no more
I close my eyes and wish
I was no more.

I wanna go back in time
Where you never were
It’s impossible going forward
Knowing you were there.

Moving On

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This week I walked away from a few things that had been very prominent in my life.

Sadly they just weren’t working out. I had to step back and look at things and realised why keep with something that was making me so unhappy. Was it really worth it?

Before it used to be because the good out weighed the bad but suddenly the good has got less and less and the fighting and arguing has got more and more. Then there is the fact that someone can just with one small action make you feel so insignificant and worthless. When did someone end up having that much power over you?

So I took the decision to try and move on and that meant cutting many things and a few people out of my life. I don’t know if it’s permanent or not but right now I know I have to step away just for my own sanity.

One of the decisions was deactivating my Facebook account. Cutting out things that were doing my head in was a good decision. Let’s hope I don’t get driven back to it.

Losing so many things at once is leaving me lost and a bit confused. I really don’t know if I’m coming or going. I’m not looking for shoulders to cry on, not really. What I am fed up of is being is shoulders for others with no return. How long can one keep on giving and giving? Eventually it just drains you leaving you exhausted and completely empty.

Im not gonna devastate over this too much… I truly believe if god doesn’t want my relationships to work maybe it’s because he has something better in store for me.

Here’s hoping, time will tell.

I’m doing just fine.

There is nothing in this world that doesn’t remind me of you. There is always something.

A moment, a song, a person, just about anything and everything. It’s forgetting you when there is nothing to forget. People want to forget bad memories, bad moments, pain and heartbreak, but there is none of that here, not with you.

The memories are good ones and none I want to forget. Even the bad memories have become good memories.

Even the pain of losing you has slowly become a sweet welcome pain, anything to just feel something where you used to be. To take away the numbness and dullness I feel inside.

You once said to me… life goes on, no one and nothing stands still for anyone… you were so right.. life does go on but my heart is frozen in time. No one has waited for anyone but I still wait for you.  Just for that memory and face to fade away, which I know it never will.

I want you to know I’m doing fine and always will be. Life has taught me a lot and I’ve learned a lot too. I don’t want you to worry about me and think these tears never go away because there are times I miss you and want you. I don’t want these tears to stop because I’m afraid if they do I will stop missing you too.

Lambi Judaai HD, Komal Rizvi, Coke Studio, Season 4

Beyoncé – Best Thing I Never Had… new song