I’m always inside you

Is it helping
The silence, The emptying
Of your soul

Does it feel good
The emptiness? The loneliness
Your heart so cold?

Do you ignore it? Or push it
To the back of your head

Or do you wish
Somewhere, all the feelings were
Gone from inside, dead.

When you wake up
In the morning and realise
I’m still here and so is she
Inside my head….

Since you took your love away

As I say good bye to each day
I die inside a little more
It’s another day since you
Took your love away

Never thought I could cry each day
Shed tears, my eyes so sore.
It’s another day I’m learning
To live with out you.

How do I learn not to
Love you no more
How do I learn
To not want you no more.

I close my eyes and wish
To not feel you no more
I close my eyes and wish
I was no more.

I wanna go back in time
Where you never were
It’s impossible going forward
Knowing you were there.

Empty Tears

A silent tear falls
In quiet moments
As calmness falls
As disappoint leaves
There are no calls
Or loving messages
Only empty promises
Just an empty heart
And silent tears

Heads Do Roll

By now most of you know I was abroad in KSA (Kingdom of Saudia Arabia) Naturally I was there for the pilgrimage to perform Umrah (Not Haj as many thought… that is only once a year and will be performed in about 3 months time)

I hadn’t been away for a good few years so it was great to get away and what better place to be with Ramadan approaching to aswell. This was to be my second visit to this amazing country

KSA is truly an extraordinary country, not only the obvious as being the focus of millions of muslims and the birth place of our beloved prophet. The culture and the country itself is mesmerizing.

I’m British born with my roots going back to Pakistan so religion and culture is nothing new… women being covered from head to foot in black is nothing unusual for me. But yet, still, you see the allure and mystery and wonderment of it all.

Our last days were spent in the city of Jeddah and this is where we got a real taste of what life really is like in Saudia… while on a sight-seeing tour of the city our drive pointed out many things and we got out and looked, photographed, visited and moved on.

We passed this beautiful white building that was built like a mosque, it caught my eye because the sun was hitting of it making it sparkle like a diamond… (We were in a moving car so the pics came out really blur so can’t put them up) Before I got to ask our driver and guide if this was a mosque he pointed out this is the place where beheadings take place, yes you heard right, beheadings.

We all scrambled to look over to the left side of our car and what we saw in front of this magnificent building was a gazebo type of structure on a platform and were told “yeah under there”

“They do it here… in public?” I asked “Have you seen it… ”

“Yes, many a time, it’s always after Friday prayers” he replied. He then proceeded to tell us that when the prisoner is brought out he has already been drugged so he isn’t aware of what is really going on around him. Hence why they are so calm and placid. The swordsman raises his hand and in one fell swoop he beheads him/her.

I felt a shiver run up my spine and the hairs on my arms and neck stand up. I couldn’t explain my reaction but the questions kept coming. Why? Really it’s in public? Can anyone watch?

My mind was distracted now. I lost all interest in the rest of the evening all I could think of was what I had seen and the effect it was having on me. I couldn’t explain it. But for someone like me who never watches horror movies and can’t stand blood and gore… I have to confess I was fascinated. Not by the thought of the blood etc but just by the whole thing from start to finish.

Why would anyone commit any crime in a country where the answer to most offences is getting your head choppedoff?or your hand. In Saudia you will be beheaded for murder, rape, drug trafficking, sodomy, armed robbery, apostasy and many other so called crimes. It does have one of the lowest crime rates in the world and you can clearly see why. A prisoner will be made an example of and I also learnt that you are encouraged by officials to watch this event whether you want to or not, by being pushed to the front of the crowd or like what I saw, performing the beheading in an area that can be viewed by passers-by and traffic.

What is going through the prisoner’s mind when they are being taken to this place, where everyone is going to be witness to their crime and death? Does he/she have regrets? Is he hoping for a miracle? And my main thought was how is this done? Does he sit or lie down or stand up… I wanted to know. I had to know. My interest was now triggered and I didn’t care how awful, barbaric or gory it sounded I had to see for myself but where and how?

It’s taken place on a Friday when there is a case. We were leaving Friday morning and there was nothing going on that day. I returned back to Glasgow feeling a little let down but my imagination would not rest, I had to see it somehow. So off I went to the place where anything and everywhere is possible, yes YouTube, blessed YouTube.

(im not posting the videos here if anyone wants to watch them they are easy to find)

I was mesmerised, I watched them again and again. The prisoner kneels on the ground with his head bowed and the sword is brought down in one simple stroke the body falls and the head rolls away. You can see the blood spurting from the body like a fountain. The executor quickly jumps back so he doesn’t get splashed, he doesn’t hang about he just briskly walks off.

I cringed at each one and cried too, and at the same time I had to see more but the most compelling video that I am posting isn’t of an actual execution but of the executor himself…

You can clearly see for him this just isn’t a job but there is great pride in what he does and also there is great skill involved… They are just so blase about it it’s shocking.

http://youtu.be/UxmBp23W6nc

I don’t want this post to be about Sharia law or the politics of KSA. It’s just about my reaction etc on discovering the place and what proceeded. If I went into all that I will be here all night. Every country has their way of dealing with crime and many countries still have the death sentence.

This is horrendous and barbaric especially for the reasons they do execute but for them it’s a deterrent for crime and they have the statistics to prove it.

Be My Saviour

Lead me to my destiny through the valley of death
Where shadows follow me to my very last breath
When I’m on my knees crying begging for mercy
Don’t take no pity just be my enemy
As you punish me for all my sins
There are no losers, just wins, wins and wins.

Prince Kael

dungeons & dragons online 15As she hid behind the cold dark wall she could hear Dana walking furiously around the dungeon leashing her wrath on the poor prince.

Dana: I will only ask once again then not even God can help you, Who is she Kael? Who is she that you dare utter her name in my presence?

Her voice shrieked around the dungeon, the sound of her cracking her whip made Laila jump and fear for her poor prince even more. She had to get him out of here, out of this mad woman’s clutches and out of this dark, dreary, freezing,cold dungeon.

She could hear the tap of her heels as she moved around muttering obscenities, threats and for a moment she could almost have believed Dana was an evil witch. She certainly wouldn’t have been surprised to see a cauldron in the corner.

Dana: You are mine only mine! You are my slave, there is no room for any other bitch in this world. (she leans down and grabs the back of his hair) I will find her and kill her ( she whispers in his ear viscously) She will die, I promise you.

She starts to leave the dungeon, stops and turns

Dana: She will die! I promise you!

Prince kael : No my mistress please spare her. She is no threat to you, I will serve you always but please I beg you the Princess is of no harm to anyone.

She turns stunned and walks back over to Prince Kael and looks at his limp exhausted body clamped to the chains in the wall. He was bruised from head to foot and bleeding wounds were going crusty and new ones were still bleeding. She wondered why he made her treat him so badly and why she loved hurting him so much. Then she remembered…

Dana: Kael you are mine and until you dont stop muttering that bitches name in your sleep… I wont let you sleep.

With this she kicks him hard in the ribs and leaves promising to be back shortly with some boiling oil. The princess winces on hearing this and panics, she know she needs to get him out of there and fast.

Princess Laila waits till she can no longer hear the tap tap of her magnificent heels and runs to him. She is shocked to see his state and what Dana has done to him. He is stunned to see her there in all her beauty and sweetness. She truly looks like a sweet angel that has come to him from heaven in her long beige gold embroidered dress that seems to fall down to her feet and trail behind her. But her crying is upsetting him he tries to speak but no words are coming out.

Princess Laila: Oh Kael my sweet love, what has she done to you. Look at you, oh look at you. How can she hurt you like this, how could she be so evil.

Prince Kale: Laila my sweet princess…what are you doing here… you must leave… go… I will be fine… just go… she mustn’t catch you here…

Princess Laila: No I can’t leave you like this… we have are leaving here together… look I poisoned the guard and got the key to these chains… darling you need to try and get up now so we can go she will be back soon…

Prince kael: No she will catch us I’m in too much pain, my injuries are too bad.. go back the way you came in… don’t let her catch you here… go .. she will kill you.

Princess Laila: No, I won’t leave you here… then I have to kill her if you can’t come with me… I will kill her!

Suddenly Dana appeared from nowhere with two guards and screams “Guards grab her!” Before the princess knew what was happening she was being dragged to the wall next to her prince and was being cuffed in chains.

Prince Kael: No Dana, don’t hurt her… do what you want to me… but leave her alone.

Princess Laila: Don’t you dare touch him! you evil witch… I will make you pay for what you have done to him… you will suffer ten times more.

Dana slaps her hard across the face and again and again till she sees blood dripping from the corner of her lip… she touches it with the tip of her finger tip and licks it… “Sweet, too sweet”

She walks over to the prince and sticks her spiky boot in his face… he knows instantly what she wants… he begins to lick it starting from the bottom upwards as she reaches the top of her boot she hisses “Don’t you dare stop!” The guards turn their backs to her and their faces the other way and the princess closes her eyes and tries to drown out the noises of this despicable act.

As the dungeon fills with the echoes of Danah’s relish of her boots and thighs being licked the princess cries can be heard too.

Dana: She doesn’t shut up… the other boot now…

The prince is on his knees trying to please his dark mistress just so she wont torture or hurt his beloved. He couldn’t bear the thought of anything happening to her.

Prince Kael: Please release her let her go… I will do anything you ask… anything…

Dana: Anything?

Prince Kael: Yes, anything, you just need say.

An evil smile spreads across Dana’s face and she orders the guards to turn around…”let the games begin he is all yours” The guards move forward and grab the prince by the arm and drag him to a sodden mattress in the corner of the dungeon…

Dana: You will be punished for taking another’s name in my presence and telling me what to do. Guards he is yours.

The princess screamed as her lover was tortured in the most unnatural way known to her. She cried as his ordeal went on and on. Her brave prince never cried out once or let her see that he was feeling any pain. So brave was her prince.

Finally Dana ordered for her to be released and demanded she leave her dungeon immediately. The princess refused to leave without her beloved prince.

Dana: The prince stays, we have unfinished business.

Princess Laila: I won’t leave without him… you can’t keep him here and if you wont let him go then you will have to keep me here to.

Dana hearing this gasped in shock… the last thing she wanted was this princess getting in her way… she was a nuisance and her crying was starting to get on her nerves… plus the dress she was wearing was too pretty for a dungeon.

Prince Kael: Let us go, you have got what you wanted… now let us go… or one of us will die here tonight…

Dana: If you leave Kael I will hunt you down and have you killed, this isn’t over.

Prince Kael: Not if I find you first… let my princess go… and let me take her away from here… this isn’t where she belongs..

Dana: Take her she was starting to get on my nerves anyway… make sure she never shows me her face again…

Secretly she wanted to torture her more but her crying was too much and it was clear if the prince bled anymore this bitch would scream till the dungeon walls fell down.

As the princess helped the prince up who could barely walk.. they moved towards the staircase suddenly Dana’s voice boomed out…

Dana: Prince Kael aren’t you forgetting something…

The prince told the princess to wait and went to Dana and bowed before her and whispered… “I’m sorry my mistress… I’m sorry she found us… I’ll be back as soon as I drop her off at home and will be back for my punishment.. Oh and please don’t let the guards go yet, especially the big black one” With this he kissed her boots and left with his princess into the dark of the night… only to return again in a few hours…

Where Are My Tomorrows.

My sweet love,
missing you 
missing you so much 
Reaching out, 
missing you 
missing your touch. 

My sweet darling, 
your sea of sorrows are drowning
drowning me another death. 
Dry your eyes, 
think of life 
think of your tomorrows. 

You were my life, 
you were not just my yesterday 
You were my every breath 
my everyday. 

My soul dies a million deaths 
watching you 
from the heavens above. 
Be brave, 
learn to live again 
for me my sweet love. 

How can pain be so sweet 
yet hurt so much. 
When I reach out 
and can't find you 
can't find your sweet loving touch. 

Shhhh you will always 
dance inside my soul, 
eternity is ours. 
I'm counting the weeks 
days and hours. 
Again you will be mine, 
forever till the end of time. 

My dreams 
my thoughts 
a sweet bitter melody 
All in your sweet 
loving painful memory. 

Dry your tears 
Let me be the one 
Who still takes Away your fears. 
Your sorrows Who gives you back your tomorrows. 
You are mine 
forever mine 

There is no door 
No stairs to you 
To dance in your soul 
Don't try to console me 
Just words 
empty words 
This soul is forever lost 
Gone forever gone... 

Oh my sweet love 
my darling love 
Have faith in the 
Heavens above 
The angels too hear your cries 
Here in paradise. 
Patience my love 
My sweet sweet love. 

I beg you to set me free 
Of this pain and memory 
My heart my soul 
can no long bear 
this desire 
Smouldering smoking fire
Embers n Ashes
Dust to dust