Who are you really?

If we all could choose to be anyone we wanted to be who would we choose? Or what would we want to be? Or could we simply think “no this is who I am and I’m sticking with it!”

I recently came across something disturbing and realised that as much as we think we know someone how well do we know them? When we doubt their authenticity and its being denied do we trust our instincts or do we choose to trust the very person we doubt?

I think I knew from day one that all was not right. But decided to give the benefit of doubt. I didn’t really care to be honest. After all Internet friendships/relationships come with certain elements of fantasies and extravaganza. So what the hell if someone wants to pretend they are someone or something else.

But as time goes you get tired of the pretence. It gets to the stage you just want a little bit of genuineness and some honesty. For someone to just take your friendship seriously and respect you enough to reveal their true selves. To know and trust you when you say “I know, but it doesn’t matter, lets just be honest with one another”

Sadness is when they’re not ready or too scared to step out of the trap they find themselves in, to move into a genuine honest and unconditional friendship. What they don’t realise that eventually they too will tire of the pretence, lies, cover ups and fantasies and by then it will be too late they will have gone too far and too deep to turn back.

So what does that say about them or us? What sort of society do we live on where we fear to be ourselves and pretend to be someone else? Is it that we feel that we will only be accepted if we are beautiful/handsome, rich, desired or amazing?

I guess the Internet allows people to deal with insecurities in the worst way possible. Rather than trying to be ourselves many have found this medium to hide their true identities and live in a world that while appears fun and amazing you eventually realise its just a painful fantasy that will never come true and one u can never escape from. It’s heaven trapped in hell.

Since you took your love away

As I say good bye to each day
I die inside a little more
It’s another day since you
Took your love away

Never thought I could cry each day
Shed tears, my eyes so sore.
It’s another day I’m learning
To live with out you.

How do I learn not to
Love you no more
How do I learn
To not want you no more.

I close my eyes and wish
To not feel you no more
I close my eyes and wish
I was no more.

I wanna go back in time
Where you never were
It’s impossible going forward
Knowing you were there.

I and You

“I” and “You” are the veil
between heaven and earth.
Lift this veil and you’ll see
no longer the bonds of
Sects and Creeds.
When “I” and “You”
no longer exist:
What is a Mosque?
What is a Synagogue?
What’s the Temple of Hindus?
What’s the Church of Christ?

Each Day At A Time.

It takes a lifetime to realize many things in life then there are times it takes a split second for everything to hit you smack bang in the face.

Yeah, I know I’ve been away a while but things have been hectic of the past months. A family member is not keeping well. So trips in and out of hospital are now an ongoing thing. I’d love to go into more detail and tell you guys more about it but she reads this blog sometimes so I really have to respect her privacy.

But the stress of it all is sometimes too much to bear and banging heads of walls is not helping either. We are at a stage in the treatment where nothing is working. Time and again we are ending up back to square one with the side effects of each drug taking it’s toll on her body and mind.

It’s amazing how isolated one can feel in an illness when the world is full of ill people. Our weekly trips to the hospital shows just how ill some people are and how worse off. It brings it home that we are lucky our situation isn’t as serious as some but it’s still a situation and we are dealing with it. So each day as it comes is what they always say.

Someone asked the other day how after everything I go through how do I manage to be so strong and keep positive. I guess like always, I’m just grateful for what is positive in my life and try to see the rest as a test.

Other than this dominating our lives at the moment there’s nothing really else to tell you guys.

Oh yeah just remembered the wonderful Facebook deactivated my account so had to make a new one. Please if you were added in my old one or wish to be added in my new account then drop me a request. Miss you all.. here’s the link http://www.facebook.com/aneesa.bashir.71

 

 

 

Yes, I am here or am I?

The temperature outside was soaring high… I stood on the balcony of our rented apartment and found myself shielding my eyes from the sun, it was only 10am. I sighed and went back to bed, there was no way we could go out in this heat.

It was our second day in the city of Jeddah and I was so relaxed and happy. Umrah and Medina had been amazing but I was exhausted. The summer flu I had caught in Medina was gradually wearing off but it had taken a toll on my body, it was like the energy had been drained out of me. Rest and plenty of it was what was needed. But I knew I had to grasp it when I could as this beautiful city had to be explored and we didn’t have many days left in our trip here.

20120828-104045.jpg I was blessed I truly was. When I entered the Haram Shareef and walked the walk towards the Ka’ba my heart soared and my eyes filled with tears. I kept thinking in my heart “Am I really here, again!” This was my second trip to this blessed city. First time I was in awe that finally I was actually seeing something I’d only heard about and seen on TV and in books, I was here. I said in my heart to my beloved creator “You must truly love me to bring me here” This time was no different. The tears welled up in my eyes, the lump in my throat got bigger, I was speechless. Yes! me Speechless! “Ya Allah! you must really love me to bring me here again! Ya Allah…”

You are right I was emotional. The tears started to flow, I couldn’t see where I was going, I had to stop and regain my composure but I couldn’t I was too overwhelmed.

Suddenly every pain and hurt that I’d suffered in the past started to race through my mind, it was like I was telling Him look what I’ve been through, I am hurting I am in pain that is why I’m here. I want you to heal me, give me peace and let me sleep, just want to sleep in peace. Help me, I am here because I need your help.

It was all rushing to me at once. I was shocked and disturbed at my reaction as I hadn’t planned or thought about anything. The journey had been exhausting from Glasgow, we had been travelling for over 24 hours before we arrived in Mekkah. My mind was more on performing Umrah rather than anything else. I was nervous and excited entering the Harram, I had butterflies in my stomach but that hadn’t bothered me much.

This second time I suppose I was maturer and understood more and the significance of being here. I sat on the steps that led down to the area where the ka’ba stands and let the tears flow. I was exhausted, my journey was longer than the 24 hours it had taken to get here. When you decide to come here that is when your emotional journey begins. You think about it, you wonder about it and sometimes you even dream about it. You have things in your heart you want to say and pray, each step you take here is of great significance. From the moment you enter the Harram and you start walking towards what is the very centre of your existence. There is a prayer, a thought, a moment with every step.

I was here, but am I really here? In heart and soul have I truly arrived? It’s crazy questions but you can’t stop thinking is this it? Is this really it?

To be continued…

 

Heads Do Roll

By now most of you know I was abroad in KSA (Kingdom of Saudia Arabia) Naturally I was there for the pilgrimage to perform Umrah (Not Haj as many thought… that is only once a year and will be performed in about 3 months time)

I hadn’t been away for a good few years so it was great to get away and what better place to be with Ramadan approaching to aswell. This was to be my second visit to this amazing country

KSA is truly an extraordinary country, not only the obvious as being the focus of millions of muslims and the birth place of our beloved prophet. The culture and the country itself is mesmerizing.

I’m British born with my roots going back to Pakistan so religion and culture is nothing new… women being covered from head to foot in black is nothing unusual for me. But yet, still, you see the allure and mystery and wonderment of it all.

Our last days were spent in the city of Jeddah and this is where we got a real taste of what life really is like in Saudia… while on a sight-seeing tour of the city our drive pointed out many things and we got out and looked, photographed, visited and moved on.

We passed this beautiful white building that was built like a mosque, it caught my eye because the sun was hitting of it making it sparkle like a diamond… (We were in a moving car so the pics came out really blur so can’t put them up) Before I got to ask our driver and guide if this was a mosque he pointed out this is the place where beheadings take place, yes you heard right, beheadings.

We all scrambled to look over to the left side of our car and what we saw in front of this magnificent building was a gazebo type of structure on a platform and were told “yeah under there”

“They do it here… in public?” I asked “Have you seen it… ”

“Yes, many a time, it’s always after Friday prayers” he replied. He then proceeded to tell us that when the prisoner is brought out he has already been drugged so he isn’t aware of what is really going on around him. Hence why they are so calm and placid. The swordsman raises his hand and in one fell swoop he beheads him/her.

I felt a shiver run up my spine and the hairs on my arms and neck stand up. I couldn’t explain my reaction but the questions kept coming. Why? Really it’s in public? Can anyone watch?

My mind was distracted now. I lost all interest in the rest of the evening all I could think of was what I had seen and the effect it was having on me. I couldn’t explain it. But for someone like me who never watches horror movies and can’t stand blood and gore… I have to confess I was fascinated. Not by the thought of the blood etc but just by the whole thing from start to finish.

Why would anyone commit any crime in a country where the answer to most offences is getting your head choppedoff?or your hand. In Saudia you will be beheaded for murder, rape, drug trafficking, sodomy, armed robbery, apostasy and many other so called crimes. It does have one of the lowest crime rates in the world and you can clearly see why. A prisoner will be made an example of and I also learnt that you are encouraged by officials to watch this event whether you want to or not, by being pushed to the front of the crowd or like what I saw, performing the beheading in an area that can be viewed by passers-by and traffic.

What is going through the prisoner’s mind when they are being taken to this place, where everyone is going to be witness to their crime and death? Does he/she have regrets? Is he hoping for a miracle? And my main thought was how is this done? Does he sit or lie down or stand up… I wanted to know. I had to know. My interest was now triggered and I didn’t care how awful, barbaric or gory it sounded I had to see for myself but where and how?

It’s taken place on a Friday when there is a case. We were leaving Friday morning and there was nothing going on that day. I returned back to Glasgow feeling a little let down but my imagination would not rest, I had to see it somehow. So off I went to the place where anything and everywhere is possible, yes YouTube, blessed YouTube.

(im not posting the videos here if anyone wants to watch them they are easy to find)

I was mesmerised, I watched them again and again. The prisoner kneels on the ground with his head bowed and the sword is brought down in one simple stroke the body falls and the head rolls away. You can see the blood spurting from the body like a fountain. The executor quickly jumps back so he doesn’t get splashed, he doesn’t hang about he just briskly walks off.

I cringed at each one and cried too, and at the same time I had to see more but the most compelling video that I am posting isn’t of an actual execution but of the executor himself…

You can clearly see for him this just isn’t a job but there is great pride in what he does and also there is great skill involved… They are just so blase about it it’s shocking.

http://youtu.be/UxmBp23W6nc

I don’t want this post to be about Sharia law or the politics of KSA. It’s just about my reaction etc on discovering the place and what proceeded. If I went into all that I will be here all night. Every country has their way of dealing with crime and many countries still have the death sentence.

This is horrendous and barbaric especially for the reasons they do execute but for them it’s a deterrent for crime and they have the statistics to prove it.

To Those of You Born Between 1930 – 1979

My sister sent this to me on Facebook and thought I’d share it with my fellow bloggers. It reminds of when my elder brothers and sisters reminisce about the good old days when they were kids. 

It’s also a stark reminder of how things once used to be and how things are now.  It’s written by David Eisner.  I’m not sure who he is but I enjoyed reading this and my sister did get a little emotional when she read it to me over the phone. 

… and do let me know if you relate to this post and how you feel about things having changed so much.

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while
they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can and didn’t get tested for diabetes. Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright-colored lead-base paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets
and when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps not helmets on our heads.

As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats,
booster seats, seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pick up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and no one actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter and bacon. We drank Kool-aid
made with real white sugar. And, we weren’t overweight. WHY? Because we were always outside, playing…that’s why! We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And, we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride
down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the
bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have PlayStation, Nintendo and X-box.. There were no video
games, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD’s, no surround-sound
or CD’s, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet and no chat
rooms.

WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no
lawsuits from these accidents. We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BeeBee guns for our 10th birthday, made up games with sticks
and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out
very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or
rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them. Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team.. Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law! These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, and inventors ever.

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all. If YOU are one of them? CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up
as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives
“for our own good”. While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave and lucky their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn’t
it?

The quote of the month is by Jay Leno: ‘With hurricanes, tornadoes, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a
good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?’