Secret Diaries Of Him part 9 

#secretdiariesofhim part 9 
One day Neema kept calling Rosie and just wouldn’t give up. Eventually I had to take the call. 
She was asking how I was and why I hadn’t been in touch. I tried to explain things were quite hectic here plus I didn’t have much to say. I told her I felt Edinburgh was a different world a different lifetime away that didn’t exist no more for me. (Wish she would just take a hint) 
She said well Rosie you may have forgotten us but Zia sits with your picture daily and stares at it. He says it feels like it was taken just for him. I tried to make a point of not asking how he was. But she was clearly on a mission. 
Do you know she said Aneesa messages Zia all the time. They chat about anything and everything. She then proceeds to tell me about conversations we had had. I was not just gobsmacked but could feel my blood boiling too. 
Was he telling her about our conversations? But the way she was talking it was almost like she was reading them out to me. I was not amused. She was mocking and making fun of thoughts and feelings that were being shared in private conversations. How dare she! How dare he! 
These people were a joke. She was a joke everything to her was just a piss take. I was beginning to wonder did she take anything seriously. 
Later on when I spoke to Zia again I asked him who has access to your Facebook account he said nobody. I asked him does your wife read our messages and again he said no. He asked why. I replied, I spoke to Rosie today and she seems to know that we chat and has details of our conversations which seem to have come from your wife. How come your wife has details of our private conversations? He acted dumb and said he didn’t know. Complete utter bullshit. 
It certainly put Zia in a new light to me almost a wuss a man with no privacy. Things were starting to click into place. He was her muppet she pulled the strings she controlled him. He didn’t have a say in anything. He’d found a friend in Rosie. Somebody who valued him and treated him like a human. No wonder he fell in love with her instantly. 
She would brag about how good he was at cleaning and cooking. Now I realised its because she herself does nothing. She would sit on Facebook all day and do nothing around the house. He would come in from work and then get on with the housework. My heart went out to him but at the same time I realised this was a very screwed up couple. Anyone else would run a mile. 
I was intrigued.

I am not Charlie

I am not Charlie and I won’t join a mass force and say I am. What he did was wrong but that doesn’t mean killing him and the others was ok. I don’t believe in killing innocent people over cartoons.

But it’s also not ok to insult nearly 2 billion people trying to take a stand. Us muslims let alone insult our own prophet we wouldn’t insult anybody’s prophet, father or mother.

Taking your anger hurt and pain out on on entire religion is bang out of order. There is never going to be complete freedom of speech and there never was. Who are you lot trying to kid

Im disgusted!

Don’t cry mommy!

You bloodsucking leeches
Sons of Zionist bitches!
You took my brother
You took my father
How dare you touch my mother!
How dare you pull her scarf
Kick her till she falls hard!

Mommy! Mommy!
Please don’t cry
The pains gone now
But why have they tied my hands?
I can’t hug you mommy
They took my pretty dress mommy
They’ve made me wear the white one
Mommy you said they’d pay
Is this their way?
Wait till I tell Allah what they are doing
Wait till I tell Allah about the bombing
Don’t cry mommy it doesn’t hurt no more
But I can’t move mommy
Mommy I can’t see you
The dirt on my face
I’m scared mommy?
Can’t you mommy hear my cries?
Why you saying goodbye?
Are we to meet in that beautiful place
The one you called paradise?
Mommy don’t cry I’ll wait for you there
Holding the gates wide open like a thousand others there
They are all waiting for their mommys too
There’s so many of us
And they say more are coming soon…

Our dead babies…

“I look around me and see the bloodshed the violence and I can smell the fear and the pain. I cover my ears to block it out but the images dance in front of my eyes, the dead babies won’t go away. Ya Allah when did this become my norm? When did the screams at night become ok? The smell of blood become permanent? The martyrs are of this nation are in abundance. Have we earned our place in paradise? Is it time for us to go? Is this how you will take us? I await death willingly just to be embraced by you ya Allah to feel safe in your arms. No more mother’s cries at night for their dead men and babies.

They have taken my home my family my everything but they haven’t taken my faith in you ya Allah. I still believe in you my lord, that’s one thing they can never take. Please please please let me be with you soon. Open the gates of paradise or hell for me because anything and I mean anything is better than this”

The bigger plan

We take so much in life for granted that we never realise that some of these things can be taken away in an instant. Even through no fault of our own we can lose something that we didn’t even know was so precious to us till it’s gone. Some things lost or gone can never be regained yet it can shape and destine our future forever. Perhaps one day we will come to understand and know what the bigger plan was. Maybe it’s bigger than any of us can ever imagine but one things for sure God gives the toughest battles to his strongest soldiers.

Nelson Mandela Dies

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The announcement of Mandela’s death was made by President Jacob Zuma
South Africa’s first black president and anti-apartheid icon Nelson Mandela has died, South Africa’s president says.

Mr Mandela, 95, led South Africa’s transition from white-minority rule in the 1990s, after 27 years in prison.

He had been receiving intense home-based medical care for a lung infection after three months in hospital.

In a statement on South African national TV, Mr Zuma said Mr Mandela had “departed” and was at peace.

“Our nation has lost its greatest son,” Mr Zuma said.

The Nobel Peace Prize laureate was one of the world’s most revered statesmen after preaching reconciliation despite being imprisoned for 27 years.

He had rarely been seen in public since officially retiring in 2004.

“What made Nelson Mandela great was precisely what made him human. We saw in him what we seek in ourselves,” Mr Zuma said.

“Fellow South Africans, Nelson Mandela brought us together and it is together that we will bid him farewell.”

Earlier, the BBC’s Mike Wooldridge, outside Mr Mandela’s home in the Johannesburg suburb of Houghton, said there appeared to have been an unusually large family gathering.

Among those attending was family elder Bantu Holomisa,

A number of government vehicles were there during the evening as well, our correspondent says.

Since he was released from hospital, the South African presidency repeatedly described Mr Mandela’s condition as critical but stable.

He was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1993 and was elected South Africa’s first black president in 1994. He stepped down after five years in office.

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Who are you really?

If we all could choose to be anyone we wanted to be who would we choose? Or what would we want to be? Or could we simply think “no this is who I am and I’m sticking with it!”

I recently came across something disturbing and realised that as much as we think we know someone how well do we know them? When we doubt their authenticity and its being denied do we trust our instincts or do we choose to trust the very person we doubt?

I think I knew from day one that all was not right. But decided to give the benefit of doubt. I didn’t really care to be honest. After all Internet friendships/relationships come with certain elements of fantasies and extravaganza. So what the hell if someone wants to pretend they are someone or something else.

But as time goes you get tired of the pretence. It gets to the stage you just want a little bit of genuineness and some honesty. For someone to just take your friendship seriously and respect you enough to reveal their true selves. To know and trust you when you say “I know, but it doesn’t matter, lets just be honest with one another”

Sadness is when they’re not ready or too scared to step out of the trap they find themselves in, to move into a genuine honest and unconditional friendship. What they don’t realise that eventually they too will tire of the pretence, lies, cover ups and fantasies and by then it will be too late they will have gone too far and too deep to turn back.

So what does that say about them or us? What sort of society do we live on where we fear to be ourselves and pretend to be someone else? Is it that we feel that we will only be accepted if we are beautiful/handsome, rich, desired or amazing?

I guess the Internet allows people to deal with insecurities in the worst way possible. Rather than trying to be ourselves many have found this medium to hide their true identities and live in a world that while appears fun and amazing you eventually realise its just a painful fantasy that will never come true and one u can never escape from. It’s heaven trapped in hell.