Silently Walk Away

I think of you
Yearn to hear your voice
Even just a hello
How are you
Just once just today
Then I remember
The hurt and pain
You caused
Each and every way
I’m neither here
Nor there
And I make the choice
Once again
I sigh with a heavy heart
And silently walk away…

My Heart An Enemy A terrorist!

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It’s amazing how time passes and in our hearts we are still standing still. Sometimes just waiting and hoping and sometimes simply because we can’t move on.

Wouldn’t it be great that when we make a decision in our heads which we know is right, our hearts would follow too?

It could be anything from simple matters to the affairs of the heart. I find myself in this turmoil many a time. Where my heart says something and my head is off in the opposite direction or vice versa.

Common sense prevails but the heart doesn’t understand this. It beats inside of me, it’s mines, yet it leads me into turmoil, heartache and pain. Very often I think my heart is my enemy, it goes against me on most decisions I make. When I let it have it’s own way it dances in my chest and beats a million beats to a minute. It won’t let me sleep eat or drink. It makes me goofy at times, speechless and very very dumb. Sometimes I think I’m flying, soaring above everything and everyone. No one can touch me I’m invincible. Or so I thought.

It’s almost like it’run out of petrol. Somewhere in your head there’s a voice telling you it’s not going to last very long. You will come down, you will crash, this dancing has to stop and sure enough it does.

It’s very painful knowing you knew better but followed your heart anyway. It’s excruciating trying to kick yourself for it but, no worries plenty of people around to do it for you. To remind you how incredibly dumb you are. The thing is, you knew it was the wrong way to go but, at this point it’s now irrelevant.

Nothing matters of what you knew because, if u didn’t have the power to not make irrational decisions then, where u going to find the power now to fix them or get over them?

All I can say is, there is no bigger terrorist in this world than your very own heart and if I didn’t need it so much I’d have shot it long ago.

Who are you really?

If we all could choose to be anyone we wanted to be who would we choose? Or what would we want to be? Or could we simply think “no this is who I am and I’m sticking with it!”

I recently came across something disturbing and realised that as much as we think we know someone how well do we know them? When we doubt their authenticity and its being denied do we trust our instincts or do we choose to trust the very person we doubt?

I think I knew from day one that all was not right. But decided to give the benefit of doubt. I didn’t really care to be honest. After all Internet friendships/relationships come with certain elements of fantasies and extravaganza. So what the hell if someone wants to pretend they are someone or something else.

But as time goes you get tired of the pretence. It gets to the stage you just want a little bit of genuineness and some honesty. For someone to just take your friendship seriously and respect you enough to reveal their true selves. To know and trust you when you say “I know, but it doesn’t matter, lets just be honest with one another”

Sadness is when they’re not ready or too scared to step out of the trap they find themselves in, to move into a genuine honest and unconditional friendship. What they don’t realise that eventually they too will tire of the pretence, lies, cover ups and fantasies and by then it will be too late they will have gone too far and too deep to turn back.

So what does that say about them or us? What sort of society do we live on where we fear to be ourselves and pretend to be someone else? Is it that we feel that we will only be accepted if we are beautiful/handsome, rich, desired or amazing?

I guess the Internet allows people to deal with insecurities in the worst way possible. Rather than trying to be ourselves many have found this medium to hide their true identities and live in a world that while appears fun and amazing you eventually realise its just a painful fantasy that will never come true and one u can never escape from. It’s heaven trapped in hell.

I and You

“I” and “You” are the veil
between heaven and earth.
Lift this veil and you’ll see
no longer the bonds of
Sects and Creeds.
When “I” and “You”
no longer exist:
What is a Mosque?
What is a Synagogue?
What’s the Temple of Hindus?
What’s the Church of Christ?

Each Day At A Time.

It takes a lifetime to realize many things in life then there are times it takes a split second for everything to hit you smack bang in the face.

Yeah, I know I’ve been away a while but things have been hectic of the past months. A family member is not keeping well. So trips in and out of hospital are now an ongoing thing. I’d love to go into more detail and tell you guys more about it but she reads this blog sometimes so I really have to respect her privacy.

But the stress of it all is sometimes too much to bear and banging heads of walls is not helping either. We are at a stage in the treatment where nothing is working. Time and again we are ending up back to square one with the side effects of each drug taking it’s toll on her body and mind.

It’s amazing how isolated one can feel in an illness when the world is full of ill people. Our weekly trips to the hospital shows just how ill some people are and how worse off. It brings it home that we are lucky our situation isn’t as serious as some but it’s still a situation and we are dealing with it. So each day as it comes is what they always say.

Someone asked the other day how after everything I go through how do I manage to be so strong and keep positive. I guess like always, I’m just grateful for what is positive in my life and try to see the rest as a test.

Other than this dominating our lives at the moment there’s nothing really else to tell you guys.

Oh yeah just remembered the wonderful Facebook deactivated my account so had to make a new one. Please if you were added in my old one or wish to be added in my new account then drop me a request. Miss you all.. here’s the link http://www.facebook.com/aneesa.bashir.71

 

 

 

Heads Do Roll

By now most of you know I was abroad in KSA (Kingdom of Saudia Arabia) Naturally I was there for the pilgrimage to perform Umrah (Not Haj as many thought… that is only once a year and will be performed in about 3 months time)

I hadn’t been away for a good few years so it was great to get away and what better place to be with Ramadan approaching to aswell. This was to be my second visit to this amazing country

KSA is truly an extraordinary country, not only the obvious as being the focus of millions of muslims and the birth place of our beloved prophet. The culture and the country itself is mesmerizing.

I’m British born with my roots going back to Pakistan so religion and culture is nothing new… women being covered from head to foot in black is nothing unusual for me. But yet, still, you see the allure and mystery and wonderment of it all.

Our last days were spent in the city of Jeddah and this is where we got a real taste of what life really is like in Saudia… while on a sight-seeing tour of the city our drive pointed out many things and we got out and looked, photographed, visited and moved on.

We passed this beautiful white building that was built like a mosque, it caught my eye because the sun was hitting of it making it sparkle like a diamond… (We were in a moving car so the pics came out really blur so can’t put them up) Before I got to ask our driver and guide if this was a mosque he pointed out this is the place where beheadings take place, yes you heard right, beheadings.

We all scrambled to look over to the left side of our car and what we saw in front of this magnificent building was a gazebo type of structure on a platform and were told “yeah under there”

“They do it here… in public?” I asked “Have you seen it… ”

“Yes, many a time, it’s always after Friday prayers” he replied. He then proceeded to tell us that when the prisoner is brought out he has already been drugged so he isn’t aware of what is really going on around him. Hence why they are so calm and placid. The swordsman raises his hand and in one fell swoop he beheads him/her.

I felt a shiver run up my spine and the hairs on my arms and neck stand up. I couldn’t explain my reaction but the questions kept coming. Why? Really it’s in public? Can anyone watch?

My mind was distracted now. I lost all interest in the rest of the evening all I could think of was what I had seen and the effect it was having on me. I couldn’t explain it. But for someone like me who never watches horror movies and can’t stand blood and gore… I have to confess I was fascinated. Not by the thought of the blood etc but just by the whole thing from start to finish.

Why would anyone commit any crime in a country where the answer to most offences is getting your head choppedoff?or your hand. In Saudia you will be beheaded for murder, rape, drug trafficking, sodomy, armed robbery, apostasy and many other so called crimes. It does have one of the lowest crime rates in the world and you can clearly see why. A prisoner will be made an example of and I also learnt that you are encouraged by officials to watch this event whether you want to or not, by being pushed to the front of the crowd or like what I saw, performing the beheading in an area that can be viewed by passers-by and traffic.

What is going through the prisoner’s mind when they are being taken to this place, where everyone is going to be witness to their crime and death? Does he/she have regrets? Is he hoping for a miracle? And my main thought was how is this done? Does he sit or lie down or stand up… I wanted to know. I had to know. My interest was now triggered and I didn’t care how awful, barbaric or gory it sounded I had to see for myself but where and how?

It’s taken place on a Friday when there is a case. We were leaving Friday morning and there was nothing going on that day. I returned back to Glasgow feeling a little let down but my imagination would not rest, I had to see it somehow. So off I went to the place where anything and everywhere is possible, yes YouTube, blessed YouTube.

(im not posting the videos here if anyone wants to watch them they are easy to find)

I was mesmerised, I watched them again and again. The prisoner kneels on the ground with his head bowed and the sword is brought down in one simple stroke the body falls and the head rolls away. You can see the blood spurting from the body like a fountain. The executor quickly jumps back so he doesn’t get splashed, he doesn’t hang about he just briskly walks off.

I cringed at each one and cried too, and at the same time I had to see more but the most compelling video that I am posting isn’t of an actual execution but of the executor himself…

You can clearly see for him this just isn’t a job but there is great pride in what he does and also there is great skill involved… They are just so blase about it it’s shocking.

http://youtu.be/UxmBp23W6nc

I don’t want this post to be about Sharia law or the politics of KSA. It’s just about my reaction etc on discovering the place and what proceeded. If I went into all that I will be here all night. Every country has their way of dealing with crime and many countries still have the death sentence.

This is horrendous and barbaric especially for the reasons they do execute but for them it’s a deterrent for crime and they have the statistics to prove it.

Easy like a Sunday morning

Thought I’d share some Sunday funnies…
What’s your fav?

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