Hundreds of people were asked to “describe your own job in one sentence, preferably in a humorously derogatory way.” Here are the best replies taken from hundreds…
- Read things that don’t matter, then write papers saying they do matter, for points that don’t matter, in order to get a job doing something totally unrelated: Student
- Take numbers on pieces of paper, rearrange them and put them on different pieces of paper: Tax Accountant
- Explain big words to sales people and then cower before customers while trying to convince them that the sales people really didn’t say what the customers understood: Customer Solutions Engineer
- Learn laws created ages ago so that I can tell engineers why I’m smarter than they are while complaining how it’s a travesty that they get paid more: Physics major
- Show you innovative ways to burn money in the spirit of patriotism: Fireworks Stand Manager
- Help people lie consistently to their bosses: Business Intelligence Consultant
- Teach your kids enough to complain but not enough to make a difference: College Teacher
- Pass poisonous gas on command: Research Assistant in solid state ammonia storage
- Make people who are already filthy rich somewhat richer by duping poor people into buying stuff they don’t need: Corporate Software Engineer
- Find as many synonyms for “explosion” as possible: Novelist for Teenage Boys
- Supervise the guys and gals who try to protect the good people from the bad, only to be hated by the good people AND the bad: Police Sergeant
- Make corporate propaganda feel like folksy truthisms: TV Ad Director
- Manage waste recycling, promotion & sales: Antiques Dealer
- Arrive after the battle and bayonet all the wounded: Auditor
- Sell gas: Energy and Telecom Business Analyst
- Tell forty year-old men it’s okay to behave like fourteen year-old school girls: Printing Press Production Coordinator
- Provide arcane information on a need-to-know basis: Chief Accountant
- Shepherd clients through the process of setting their products on fire: Consumer Products Tester
- Manage urban renewal and pest control: B-52 Bomber pilot
- Persuade kids that it’s really fun being wet, cold and scared out of their minds: Sailing Instructor
- Draw up plans for something that will not be built according to those plans: Civil Engineer, Transportation Design
- Teach kids to be evil…or so they say: Video Game Creator
- Ensure that stupid people stay in the gene pool: Lifeguard
- Spend most of the day looking out the window: Pilot
- Wear a tuxedo and smash metal plates into each other: Musician
- Go to strange people’s houses and take their money: Pizza Delivery Boy
- Sell gluttony: Cinema Concession Stand Attendant
- Tell people that they can’t spend money they thought they had: Government Analyst
- Take pictures of the unlucky and the stupid: X-ray Technician
- Profit from the misfortunes of others: Cops and Courts Reporter
- Take a simple two-way promise and turn it into several complicated one-way promises which neither side can understand or hope to fulfill: Lawyer
- Bring a little rain into the lives of flood victims: Government Debt Collector
- Have people spend far more than they estimated: Building Inspector
- Make sure nothing ever happens: IT Security
- Move things from one tube to another: Microbiologist
- Try not to kill the baby: Housewife
- Misinterpret the universe: Astronomer
- Be a human napkin: Stay-at-home mom of three
- Run away and call the police: Security Guard
- Copy and paste the Internet: Student
- Help people hate each other: Divorce Lawyer (Scott Adams’ favorite)
- Stand on a field and get yelled at for hours: Baseball Umpire
- Talk in other people’s sleep: College Professor
- Call people who know what they’re doing and ask them what they’re doing: Incident Manager
- Show people how beautiful the Earth would be without them: Mountain Landscape Photographer/Climber
- Make people feel bad about their work: Quality Assurance Tester
- Repeatedly fix what you repeatedly break: IT Director
- Clean up an animal that makes more money then me in a year: Assistant Horse Trainer
- Write words that no one wants to read: Technical Writer
- Make food that is as healthy before it goes in your body as when it comes back out: Fast Food Employee
Taken from the internet 😛What’s your job description?
LOL I’m trying to think of how best to describe my job… I have a T-shirt that I wear which sums things up though:
“I suffer from a cruel and unusual employment.”
I don’t wear it outside much because, to be honest, I know there are a lot of people who would like a job and who can’t get one and I’m honestly grateful for what I have. I just think the shirt is funny 😛
It is funny, but you never told us what you do… come on do tell 😛
I train customer service advisors in a call center. Sometimes it’s like high school. You wouldn’t believe how addicted people are to their cell phones….
BTW, thanks for the follow 🙂
You are defo worth following 😛
Im addicted to my iphone… there is never a moment im not without it… what can we do its just the way they are made 😛
Ah, see, I would have to disagree with you on that one LOL I grew up in the 70’s and 80’s and – I hate to sound like your Dad – but we didn’t have cell phones and managed to get by just fine LOL 😛
Hi Aneesa! 🙂
Here’s my job description:
Crazy enough to be considered unfit for work and sane enough not to need hospitalisation… (Paranoid Schizophrenic)
Love and squishy hugs my friend! 🙂
Prenin.
It’s why I love you so much… you are just like me 😛
Hahahahah student… so true!
I felt that way too 😛
🙂 no no dont agree to the cop .. they dont do that 🙂
its fun running over a red light with blues on 🙂
lol no they don’t…
Our main road near our house is what they use to do their training… Its very common to see them zooming up and down with their blue lights and siren flashing… no mercy at all 😛
Aircrews always tends to break evrything they get in their hands , do not understand technical manuals …… and we , aircraft comm techs , try to explain how to and try to fix what has been broken …… 🙂
haha , a short description of my job 😀
just about sums it up lol 😛
….I think my last comment may have not gone through…
So….someone asked me the other day on Twitter what I did for a living, I replied:
“I make people happy, give them what they asked for, within time and saving them money” – Consultant *Evil*
Hope you are having a nice day…
P.S. I loved the human napkin
I wonder where it went… lol
And that’s your new job you are talking about… looks like you have it all figured out 😛
My day went well… went shopping… (spent too much!!)
I could qualify for that human napkin too sometimes… I’m Cinderella really… 😦
Love those – maybe the last best! Well, my last job was: sit on bum staring at screen and tapping my fingers (policy officer in local authority). I am now retired (earn money for doing nothing but nonetheless do things for the hell of it) and of course I’m a poet (write things most people won’t understand in short lines so as to take up as much paper as possible).
hahaha… hope you are recycling all that paper… I like the fact of being retired.. im in my twenties but I swear I’ve been retired for years 🙂
Gut geschrieben gefällt mir Grüsse lieb und wünsche ein schönes weekend Hrzlicher Gruss Gislinde
Sie sind sehr liebs… fielen dank 🙂
lol nice one
Describe your job bobby 😉
That was good!
Thanks Binky… Glad you thought so 🙂
Funny post! Thanks for sharing!
It’s funny how people view their own jobs.
It was a challenge to describe their job in a funny and derogatory way, amazing what some of them came up with.
I convince people to spend their money on things that will either a) improve their home and make them happier or b) things they don’t actually need
B sounds like most jobs lol
These are great. Once did a post “famous last words” which is similar. Thanks visit my blog.
You must send me the link, I’d love to read it 🙂
Reblogged this on theconservativehillbilly.
Hilarious shares!
Some of them are… 😛