The Divorcée Sales are the latest trend in some cities – parties where women gather to sell designer gifts from their exes at bargain prices. But, besides flogging unwanted Prada, are there other ways to recycle unhappy romance memories?
The Divorcée Sales are arguably an ingenious notion for women who hate their exes and love designer fashion. How better to leave behind painful memories than by selling off the anniversary Bulgari and consoling yourself with someone else’s Chanel, cheap?
Shedding the trappings of a past love provides a psychological lift, says Jill Alexander, entrepreneur behind TDS, who always donates a proportion of the sales to charity. It certainly worked for Kim Basinger who sold the bling Alec Baldwin bought her when their marriage broke up and gave away all the proceeds.
Every single relationship can be used to improve the next
Gifts, photos, cards… why do we cling to such painful reminders anyway? Objects from a relationship hold power because they say, ‘somebody loved me,’ and ‘Things’ show the world that you mattered. One of the biggest human needs is to feel significant. Women especially need this proof and we’re reluctant to relinquish it.’Photos are a biggie – throwing them away is often the only way to save yourself pain – but how about transferring them to disc first? When you heal, you still have them but while it hurts, you’ll be less tempted to pull them out when you are feeling down.
Don’t burn anything
With every item comes a story. If your partner really hurt you and you express that anger by burning mementoes, negativity stays attached to those objects, Whenever anyone asks “what did you do with that stuff?” you’ll recount an angry story. But explaining that you gave your wedding dress to someone who couldn’t afford one and how much pleasure it gave them re-associates the item with a positive story; one that makes you feel good about yourself.’Invite friends over for a give-away. It’s easier to let ‘stuff’ go in a positive atmosphere with someone explaining you why you no longer need it.’
Recycle The Beginning
Remembering the horrible bits is actually a survival technique. By reliving uncomfortable experiences, we’re actually trying to understand how they happen in order to avoid repeating them. But picking over sad memories long-term is damaging.Mentally return to the beginning of your relationship – alone or with a friend – and remembering all the things your partner said they loved about you. Go through old cards and letters. Write down the love messages and then throw the cards away so only the compliments remain.Remember: you are still this person. Someone was attracted to you because of those amazing traits – and you still posses them all.
Recycle criticisms as an inspiration
… rather than using them as a stick to beat yourself with. If a cruel ex called you fat or unsexy how much of this truly resonates? If it hurt because you feel it too, use the money you make from selling their gifts on E-Bay
to hire a personal trainer or to buy a new wardrobe.Do whatever you have to do to prove to yourself that they were wrong. And while we’re on the subject, recycle the term ‘my ex.’ Using “my” means you continue to own someone. Use his name or use “my child’s father” – there’s less hurt attached to these labels.
Recycle the problems as warning signs
Every single relationship can be used to improve the next. When you start dating again, ask yourself: “how do I feel about myself with this new person?” If it’s bringing up similar feelings to the ones you had with your ex, be wary. See what patterns you followed in your last relationship and monitor whether new dates follow or deviate from this path.The brain loves familiarity so we shy away from things that seem different. But this can mean we follow the same destructive patterns. If you react differently or a new date approaches something in another way – don’t see it as a problem. Repetition of the unfamiliar makes it the new familiar!
And if there’s something you can’t bear to part with?
If that D&G LBD you bought for your anniversary dinner in Prague
is just too gorgeous to part with, give it a makeover.’Add a new collar, new buttons, a corsage or have it adjusted. If it’s hard to alter, wear it with pride and remember that you bought that item because someone loved you in it – and you are still that loveable person. Think of it as you would a vintage outfit – forget the memories of that previous owner.Because that previous owner has been recycled and is moving on to bigger, better things.