Moving On

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This week I walked away from a few things that had been very prominent in my life.

Sadly they just weren’t working out. I had to step back and look at things and realised why keep with something that was making me so unhappy. Was it really worth it?

Before it used to be because the good out weighed the bad but suddenly the good has got less and less and the fighting and arguing has got more and more. Then there is the fact that someone can just with one small action make you feel so insignificant and worthless. When did someone end up having that much power over you?

So I took the decision to try and move on and that meant cutting many things and a few people out of my life. I don’t know if it’s permanent or not but right now I know I have to step away just for my own sanity.

One of the decisions was deactivating my Facebook account. Cutting out things that were doing my head in was a good decision. Let’s hope I don’t get driven back to it.

Losing so many things at once is leaving me lost and a bit confused. I really don’t know if I’m coming or going. I’m not looking for shoulders to cry on, not really. What I am fed up of is being is shoulders for others with no return. How long can one keep on giving and giving? Eventually it just drains you leaving you exhausted and completely empty.

Im not gonna devastate over this too much… I truly believe if god doesn’t want my relationships to work maybe it’s because he has something better in store for me.

Here’s hoping, time will tell.

86 responses to “Moving On

  1. We all need a good shoulder to cry on now and then honey. It sucks when we have to make the decision to remove some one from our life who is toxic. There’s always remorse attached to it. There is not however anything wrong with setting healthy boundaries with someone who drives us insane or makes us feel this bad as you are saying.

    I’ve looked over my past at length and what I can see was that I have never lost anyone or removed anyone from my life that wasn’t a necessary step. Especially when it threw me under the bus and made me feel awful. I’m not sure who thought that certain things require us to keep toxic people around but I’ve learned over and over again that it’s not a prerequisite of living to tolerate anything that makes us feel this badly., If you felt badly enough to remove these people, there’s a valid reason for it “for you”.

    As for facebook, you don’t necessarily have to shut it down, you can however make your page private and remove the people on it who drive you nuts. They don’t have to be a friend on there and you don’t have to associate with them through there at all. This way, you remove them permanently. Depends on who it is yuo’re talking about though… but still I mean, if they cause you this much duress, then getting rid of them is for YOUR mental health and well being.

    • Right now mystery I’m just doing what I feel is right for me right now… perhaps later I will go back to facebook and take the steps needed to carry on with everything blocked and deleted.

      I’ve got a pounding headache today and my diet coke is finished too.. i think that causes the headaches when i dont get some… arrrgghhhh!!!

      • That’s okay🙂 take yourself a nice step back and clear your head, take a little break and refocus, whatever you need to do.

        Oh… you may be right, I stopped years ago drinking coffee so much and I had pounding headaches too! Now, not so much anymore … or ever really. Unless my back is out of whack🙂

        You’ll be okay, breeeeeath…🙂 sniiiiiffffffff!!!!!

        • I thought I should try and wean myself of this diet coke so decided to try something else instead and see if it workd. As i dont drink tea or coffee i decided to go for a hot chocolate.

          Went to my local sainsburys cafeteria and ordered a hot chocolate, made no difference at all. (was worth a try tho) The headache was pounding so bad I couldn’t see or drive so I gave up and bought some of the stuff.

          Headache is gone!! But I’m seriously disturbed that diet coke is the culprit of my blinding migraines😦

          • Oh wow right after you drank it the headache went away? Oh my… and now you know. So you get to wean yourself off of whatever is in that stuff. If you want to anyway. My body did that to me with coffee years ago when I started cutting back. Always had a headache, now I only have two mugs in the morning and that’s it.

            Oh yah, I’d be disturbed too! Who knew?

      • Serviing is a wonderful thing. It stops however when someone else takes advantage of our good nature, there are those in the world who will take advantage and use you up until you disappear.

        No where does it say, I’m sure… feel insigificant and alone or abused and punished when we put our better self first… there is giving and serving and then there is losing our selves in that process. Which drains us of the very things were were capable of giving in the first place. That is not part of any relationship… we do not give to receive however we do not forget ourselves either.

        Every person on earth deserves love, compassion and caring. We also learn that if we don’t take care of ourselves, we can disappear and feel insignificant and unloved, uncared for and that’s not the idea of healthy relationships in life.

        • I think i lost track of what was right for me and more about how my actions would make the other person feel…I was more in fear of hurting them when they weren’t giving two dams about hurting me… even after I made myself clear a zillion times…

          so lately i realised that why the hell should i torture myself… if my feelings arent going to be considered then i will take steps to protect them… and thats what im doing…

          • Amen honey… sometimes we try good things with the wrong person. You understand? So it sounds like a situation where you start to identify how important the situation is “to you” as well as only the other person and how many times you express it. Me? I’ve been in this position before where I’ve been expressive or what have you and then … usually when I hit tilt (and lost my temper) it’s because I was not paying attention to how I felt really and did not have the “right” conversation or maybe I did not set a strong enough boundary with not only THEM but ME as to how far I was willing to go with the situation before it buried me as a person. If I’m buried mentally and emotionally I’m useless period… Know what I mean?

            Right, and you can protect yourself. It doesn’t make you mean or cruel or a jerk … it means you care enough about yourself to enforce your own standard just for your as to how you deal with things or what is acceptable to you or not acceptable to you.

            • Me now protecting my own feelings just hammers home that I’ve had enough and wasn’t getting the return I was expecting.

              I’m not asking for a lot… just that my feelings are taken into consideration and respected. If I can do it so can they.

              • You told them right? What you needed?

                I agree with you, I know that if I’m extending myself and I’ve brought it up and addressed it and “usually” I say what I think I mean and what I want, if I do it numerous times and I feel unheard, it’s like … well, not much left for me to do here. I’ve run out of options or words or they’re not grasping it or they’re incapable of giving it…

                • I made myself clear many a time… and then realised it was a set pattern and nothing was changing .. in fact things were just getting worse… and the rest you know… I did feel that I have done and said all I can and if someone can’t make an effort then there is nothing left to be said or done.

                  • I hear you. Know that you will feel pangs of remorse and wishing that things could have been different because we like resolution and working things out. I do, I prefer to have a knock down drag out discussion vs. walking away any day but there are those times where… you just have to go. And it’s in our best interests to do so. Because we’re not dealing with someone who is on the same page as us and .. yes, if they can’t see the value in what we’re saying and what we’ve explained I mean truly, sadly there is nothing we “can’ do but take a step back.

                    It is true though, I’ve never lost anyone I wasn’t supposed to and while every now and then over my brother I feel that litlte pang of, I wish things had been different, I was done explaining. So I let him go… Other instances too but this one popped into my head just now.

                    • See when you get to that mental state of letting go… that release it’s amazing… it truly is… i feel sad but on the other hand I feel like I’ve just walked out of a stuffy old room with no windows into the sunshine … it feels great…

  2. Life is a gift given to you and you only, its personal between you and God, you only get this chance once so go ahead and leave ur mark on life, don’t look back and think “what if….”.

    Have a good weekend Aneesa.

    • Hey Apinder you are so right, I know if I follow my faith the answers are all there but sometimes it’s hard to put yourself in the line of fire by trying to do the right thing. When it comes to doing the right thing your heart is sending you elsewhere, complete opposite direction!

      Hope your weekend is going well.

  3. I know what you mean Aneesa.

    I fixed many lives over the decades, always been there for others, always helping them pick up the pieces of shattered lives only for them to move on and leave me behind.

    Alone.

    Maybe one day hey?🙂

    Love and hugs!

    Prenin.

    • aw lemme give you a big tight hug Prenin you so deserve it. Because no matter what life has thrown at you, you have given double tripple back. You are such an amazing person. I wish you always all the best in life. And don’t ever think you are alone we are all your family.🙂

      hugggzzzzz big big ones.

  4. I’m sorry, sweetie. You can ‘t take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself first. You deserve happiness and should do what is right for you. I wish I could say more, but for some reason, my computer keeps locking up.

    You have people here that are listening and care about you.

    Miss D

    • Thanks miss Demure… I hope your computer is better soon because I’d love to hear what else you have to say.

      I am trying to do put myself first but I’m just not used to doing it. I keep thinking of the pain and problems I’m causing others.

  5. Sometimes we just have to realise it wasn’t meant to be Aneesa, and to continue would be more painful than ending things. … Difficult decisions don’t come easy, my lovely friend, and we’re always left with the thought ‘have I done the right thing?’ … In our heart of hearts we know that we’ve done know what’s right for us… Wishing you strength in all things .. xPenx

    • pen you are so right, I want to move on but it hurts like hell at times. Walking away from friends, family and people you care about is so painful. At this moment in time I know It’s the right thing to do. I need a break and I’m taking regardless how they feel about it. God is giving me strength.

      Thanks so much for your kind words.

  6. God do have better plans for us.
    do read sureh baqrah verse 216
    it says
    “,; but it may happen that ye hate a thing which is good for you, and it may happen that ye love a thing which is bad for you. Allah knoweth, ye know not. “

    • I’m taking this verse and adding it to my other quotes down the right side of my page. It really does strike a chord in me.

      Thanks for dropping by🙂

  7. You made a good decision. You’re the only who can decide whether it’s time to let go and move on. I also did something like what you did with Facebook ( I refuse to have an account there)… it was another forum where I had been very active for years. But it became toxic, and much as I hated to leave because i had made so many friends who genuinely cared about me, I had to go. By the way, they followed me.
    Cheers !

    • You know i love my facebook, i made so many friends there and had an amazing time. Most of them know how to contact me and many of them have done since I deactivated. I love meeting people this way and finding like minded people to share and care and I’ve learnt so much, especially since I started blogging too. I miss it but not as much as I was getting annoyed with it.

      It’s true if something is toxic for you it’s time to walk away. Many are begging me to come back and a few times I’ve thought about it but I’m sticking to my guns this time. I will go back but when I’m good and ready.

      Hope your weekend is going well. By the way how is your sister getting on with her fella?

  8. I believe that one can only feel like they give and give too much when they aren’t doing enough to empower other people. It isn’t our duty to be a shoulder for others to cry on. It’s our duty to tell them “GET UP!” It’s our duty to tell them to let their emotions flow, and then let them go and move on with their lives. Many don’t want to come off as confrontational, rude, insensitive, uncaring or unpopular by doing that. But the true warriors are the ones who speak the truth, don’t care if feelings get hurt (because they recognize “feelings” are a tool of the selfish ego) and remind others who are going through difficult times that they don’t need the help of others, and they don’t need the help of God. The creator has already instilled in you everything you need to survive and thrive. Do not disrespect Him/Her/It by pretending you don’t see it in yourself, or forgetting you possess it.
    Peace & strength,
    Miro

    • It’s the word “tool” you used. I think when u become a tool for someone to solve their problems that’s when you end up getting stuck. By becoming a tool you know realise you are needed. Is it bad to be there for someone? to help them through their darkest hours? It really isn’t but then it becomes draining, sometimes I can feel the life being sucked out of me.

      It is my faith that tells me that you should never turn your back on someone that needs help and needs you. So is this a test?

      How do I walk away knowing someone needs me and knowing perhaps at this point in time only I can help them? I tried to be the stronger one and I was but when I realised that I was getting nothing back I was left with no choice but to walk away. The friendship will go on but not in that depth or capacity.

      I can only pray for strength and guidance and put trust in my faith that it will lead me on the right path and I will do the right thing.

        • sounds good to me… you know it will be so easy to pick up the phone and ask “how are you” and say “I miss you” but I’m not gonna do it.. they know i care and they know this is killing me and wasnt an easy decision but hell i feel like being selfish for once in my life… my problem is i’m too bloody nice.

          • It’s not selfish to pull back and take care of yourself. See, people do what they will due to us always being there. This is true. So, we allow certain things to go on for the right reasons but others come to have an expectation about it as to us being there and they take us for granted at times.

            Since you’ve told them how you feel, then I can’t imagine it’s selfish of you to step back and take time for yourself. Not at all…

            I scrolled through here to find the part where you asked me if I sleep and Yes, I sleep.

            • ok the update on this is… that im the one in the wrong for pulling away… i should just sit back and accept all the shit that is going on… im like .. noooooo waayyyyyyy… i have more self respect and pride than this… im sticking to my guns..
              🙂

              • Why because someone else will have to pick up the slack and be responsible? Howz that working? You know I’ve contended with people who like my brother for example. His thing after my dad died to alleviate his own guilt was to ask ME why I didn’t go to Florida and take care of my dad.

                I asked him flat out, “Why didn’t you?” Becuase I was the one who was always there and then when I decided not to move my dad was on his own. My dad made the choice to go down there and retire and while he didn’t foresee getting sick like he did, I’m sorry he made this huge mess down there and when he passed my brother had the audacity to point his fingers at me?

                Oh hell now. You’re off your rocker. It’s like a friend I have, her whole family looks to her to fix and do and translate and they don’t think about her and how she feels. That makes me angry because she’s only human and I’ve been teaching her about boundaries for a long time.

                It’s not about pride so much as it is about self preservation. I mean there are people in the world who will suck the life out of you as long as you allow it. We teach others how to treat us. When we shift to become better for ourselves those who didnt’ have to do anything before because “so’n’so” would be there to do it, they don’t like it. To me, it’s just that simple.

  9. The main thing to think of is how you feel about this change in your life and not what others might be saying about it, at the end of the day you have to give yourself some breathing space, and in this instance you have changed some of the things that have been burdening you.

    Your feelings, and indeed your overall health will improve by the removal of these negatives in your life so don’t be too hard, or second guessing yourself as you have certainly done the right thing. As for Facebook that seems a very wise choice to me as there are so many issues that arise from that networking arena and not a lot of those are positives.

    Just do your own thing from now on and everything will soon look and feel a lot brighter to you my great friend. Look after number one for a while and your positive energy levels will increase every single day, and the happiness and spring in your step that has been lost will return very shortly.

    Have a lovely rest of evening Aneesa and
    remember, you have made the right choices🙂

    Androgoth XXx

    • I do feel a lot better since I made these decisions. My mind feels a lot more relaxed and less stressed.

      There are people in life that you will miss and can’t live without but a break is always good. Now I understand why people take them from each other and loved ones. I know I’m gonna be fine. How can I not be, but I just worry about the effect I’ve had on the ones I’ve walked away from.

      Thanks for your kind words O’Dark one. Hope your week goes well for you.

      hugggggzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

      • Do not worry about their thoughts and feelings, you have not walked away forever, you are merely taking some time out for yourself, and that is something that you really need in your life at this time. They will be fine and as a result of your actions, so will you and that is the most important…

        Have a lovely Wednesday, and clear
        your thoughts of these niggling doubts…

        Everything is alright Aneesa, you will see🙂

        Androgoth XXx

  10. When it come to any type of “relations” does not matter friendship, marriage, girl friend or boyfriend it is a give and take on both side. Not just one person only the doer or the giver. That will never work out. Sometime when you cut your losses it is for the best. Everything will slowly fall in place and if things are meant to be with a lot of effort and hard work it will and if not than not. That is life hon, we cannot control everything but work on it and when no progress occur and we knew we at least try that is all that truly matter.

    • You are so right.. I know I’ve not walked away from these people without having given it my best shot… I have no regrets there.. I accepted this isn’t meant to be… and if it is meant to be then time will tell…

      What is hard is the fact that even when you are laying all your cards on the table and showing and proving time and time again what their actions and behaviour is doing to you and yet still nothing is being done about it, it’s time to take action.

      They can justify their behaviour a million times and apologise a zillion times yet still continue … what’s the dam flipping point… none… absolutely none…

  11. I admire your grit – to get out of FB. Sometimes I too feel fed up with this rat race have wished to shun all such stuff.
    Don’t worry. Just relax. Sure you’ll get over it.
    I too feel blue – contagious?🙂

    • What many people forget is that FB is very public… there is not much you can hide from the people that are in your list… you pick up on things and you can see through remarks and subtlety.. i think ther… the more subtle you are the most obvious you become!

      And some tend to think you were born yesterday…

  12. If thats how you feel, than the action that you did take is the right one for you right now. If its the right action in long run or not NO ONE can no. Because the future script is still beeing written even though the play is somewhat set. So often we hold on to things and people, not because they give us so much, but just because we don’t want to risk loosing them. The fear of the unknown becomes to much weighted against the comphort of what is known, even though it sucks. So even though you feel crappy, you made the right decion for you. And who knows maybe after a reset MAYBE a realtionship can be buildt with those, or maybe they were just a lessons for you to learn and you can use it in the future.

    • Its always lessons learned.. how can you not learn from these relationships and experiences? They make us vulnerable… break us down… totally kill us off at times and then we eventually rise again … to be stronger and defo smarter and wiser (I hope!)

      Hey you can be really nice when you want to be Aterlycan🙂 O’ Dark one will be pleased to see this ..

      • Well thats the thing, not everyone learns, and not learns what they actually should. Some learn to hate, shut them self off or to even take revange. A feeling of not wanting to be in the same position causes people to have a negative outlook. Those are never the lessons that are intended for us. Life lessons are there to make us stronger, smarter and wiser yes, thouge not shunned and burned.

        ~laughs~ Gee thanks….and yes I can be, I am what I choose to be, and I choos based on circumstances. This post desserved a serious answer, and the best one I could come up with when I set myself in the same situation. So thats what I gave🙂

        When we joust back and forth on my blog, the situation is different so my attitude is different🙂

        But yes Our Dark friend will surely be pleased to see me being nice to you for once….

        • Don’t mention revenge … because I’m trying not to think about that… if my mind goes there well my suppressed dark evil side will come out which I have managed to keep buried and hidden for so long…

          seriously i have had some really wicked ideas because well I am pissed of a bit and I do want to shut myself off and apart from ranting and raving here I think I have done just that… I really don’t feel like talking to anyone about this right now… i am practically wiping out the last 2/3 years of my life like they never took place or existed…. Right now it’s easier just switching off and making myself immune to all feelings…

          I take my lessons seriously and yeah it’s true some people will never learn and for a while there I wasn’t learning either… It was the same pattern again and again … and do you know what is weird? Anyone I did confide in kept telling me to walk away… and I couldn’t… I was letting these people poison me and poison me…

          it’s true when we are silly we ARE silly and when we need to be serious and knuckle down we manage it just fine… yes our dear friend the O’Dark one will be well pleased that we can behave like grown ups when we need to🙂

  13. Hi Aneesa!🙂

    Just to let you know my pills arrived at 4pm and my next due date is December 8th – nine days of nightmare are finally over!🙂

    Love and hugs!

    Prenin.

    • YaaaaaYYYyyyyyYYYYYyyyyyyYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy….🙂🙂

      i was looking forward to kicking some ass😛 tho but pleased it’s all sorted… still you should put all these cock up in a formal complaint so that they are aware of what is going on and how much it effects you… especially you having to go without meds and the travelling back and forth in taxis to get there and back… that’s really out of order…

      You should really let me pay them a visit😛

      • If they had screwed up this time I was going to lower the boom on them, but they have no idea what my meds are for, they just supply them.

        Thing is that they are a nice bunch of folks, but they couldn’t find thier own backsides without a white stick and a hunting dawg!

        From what I heard from one old lady who used to use them, my problems are not unusual…

        Still: Your offer of help is much appreciated and Will be remembered! LoL!

        Love and hugs!

        Prenin.

  14. There is great goodness of power to be found in stepping away from something we know is bad for us… bad for us does not mean “bad people,” simply that their behaviour makes us ill in some way… we are less than the good, healthy powerful person we were meant to be. Good for you for doing what is best for you, Aneesa.
    Janice (AuroraMorealist)

  15. I’m happy for you – it’s always hard moving away from something that has become normal in your life. Nothing is for permanent and to be fair we shouldn’t depend on others to make us happy – yes they do make up a large chunk of happiness but remember one day they will leave us, in more ways then just one.

    Same can be applied to technology and social structures – its a temporary arrangement.

    I confident you will find your feet, as now is the best time to re-discover yourself once again – but this time reply more upon yourself to make things happen and less on others.

  16. Hi Aneesa,
    As daunting as you may think things are for you right now, it actually sounds to me like you have more clarity of thought than you give yourself credit for.
    I had to deactivate my FB account for different reasons but I suppose, like you, I was making room for new things to occur in my life.

    I’m glad you are exercising the power of choice to make decisions which will be best for you.
    This side of life is way too short to be “settling” in a relationship which is not right for you.
    Enjoy your “you time” honey.

    Bye for now.🙂

    • Thanks phil I am feeling much better and my mind is more relaxed. There are some things I still need to deal with but all in good time.😉

      Have a nice day.

  17. Sometimes we have to step away from a situation to handle it best, so good on you for doing so. I lik youre hope and I dont think its without wisdom. I’ve always said He does know what is better for us, and He will provide us with it, when we are ready for it. We may think we deserve it now, but would we be able to sustain it if it did come to us? Thats the bigger question. Keep the faith and keep the brain – great combo, and you seem to be using both here so🙂

    • Oh thanks for the great comment and pep talk.. keep the faith and keep the brain… nice one…

      I’m Mashallah doing fine… I have some weak moments but that is all they are… I know as time goes and I miss certain people it will get tougher but I’m going to keep in mind the reasons i did this and keep moving forward…

      thanks for dropping by I really appreciate it.🙂

  18. Hey girl!!! Cheer up🙂 Its your time to rock one alone baby… We don’t need any alarm clock type of ppl hanging around us always instructing and claiming reasons for each of our doings! Its our life… We always deserve the best🙂

    God knows whom to be in your circle and who not to be… More than God your heart knows it very well… Do follow your heart… Undeserved ppl do not make our life pleasing instead they make it worse… Watch out for a highly deserving person soon😀 All the very best🙂🙂🙂

  19. i am sharing this testimony to every single mother and ladies that there EX husband have left them for unknown reason or something….here is my testimony,i got a contact of a spell caster through a lady called Elizabeth from USA,i am from Italy and i was just wondering if it going to work for a Italian lady like me,i contacted this man 2 days Ago because have miss my love so much and i love him so much but unfortunately he left me without reason and have tried all i can to get him back to me but all is in vain not until i contacted Dr.Ogungbe for help to bring back my Love..i emailed him through ###Dr.ifaogungbe@live.com### and even call his number (+2348131210107) and asked for help..this man just tell me that my lover will be back to me 24hrs and i will be happy,i thought this is a joke and not real because my Lover has left me for 6 month and never call me or text me anymore..when this man tell me that he will be back in 24hrs i was just laughing that is that easy,but he said if i believe in Spell and have faith that everything will be fine and unfortunately when this man told me everything he will do and what i need to do so i did everything and that night i contacted this man my lover call me and i was even shock to pick the call because it unbelievable,my Lover later text me that i should please pick up my phone..now my lover is back for real and i will never forget this man in my life because he has done a great help for me to make me happy…
    anybody in shoe should contact this man and this is his details again..
    (+2348131210107)

    Rossa from Italy

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