Can You Deal With Someone Else’s Pain?

Very often when we put walls up around us it’s to protect ourselves from any more emotional pain. We close ourselves in and tie ourselves up in padlocks and chain. 

It’s when we can’t bear anymore and don’t want anymore to deal with. Those walls keep everyone out and very often it works. It’s easier to block people out and keep them from touching your raw wounds inside.

There is always a reminder there of what you are burying deep inside you. And why do we bury things rather than deal with them? Is it because it’s easier and a cowards way out? Or is it just too painful?

Many a time our emotional pain is too much to deal with and if we are to function in a normal society and get on with life we need to bury it. There is no time to stop and deal with our issues and many a time we need to.

When you are told to pick yourself up and make yourself busy and get on with life. While it may work for some and that’s exactly what they need, for others it’s not. There is a time line for everyone and it’s different for each individual.

Some things need to be dealt especially if you are mourning or trying to get over a major issue in your life. When we block things out and bury them deep we are just buying time, eventually these things will come to bite you on the ass.

But anyway this is nothing new and I think most of you know all this. What I want to really talk about is the people who come along in your life and want to be let in. The ones who want to break down these walls and strip back everything to see the depths of those bleeding wounds gushing with ooze from your tortured soul.

Just because you want to be close to someone and need to be close to them, you ask them to let you in and when they refuse you try to knock those emotional barriers down that have been put up. When that doesn’t work you then slowly slowly start to chip away subtly to get in, just for your own satisfaction. 

Don’t get me wrong I bet some of  you have good intentions, but have you ever stopped to think if this person isn’t letting someone in they may also be trying to keep something from getting out?

When those walls are put up very often it’s not to keep from letting others hurt you again but those walls very often keep in a lot of emotions and pains aswell. Things that can’t be dealt with, things that require energy that you don’t have. Things that you need to face up to yet find it too painful to even think about. 

And when you start chipping away at those walls you release the vapours that resemble volcanic gasses. More chipping starts the slow simmering of an eruption that will eventually proceed to an explosion that you yourself probably weren’t expecting and before you know you will have a full Krakatoa on your hands. Nothing you are equipped to deal with or planned on dealing with. 

You think you have an emotional head case on your hands and regret getting involved. Or simply you are not interested in someone elses problems and prepare to run. Not realising that she/he wasn’t an emotional basket case until you activated the sleeping bomb. Poked and prodded till you got a reaction from them to confirm that you had got into their head and heart. That you had reached that level deep within where are there is something that is best left alone. 

When you see the lava of overflowing emotions you will wonder what the hell happened and want to run a mile and you probably will. But listen…

While you are wearing out your jimmy choos/las coste trainer trying to outrun those lava of emotions do please remember that next time you try to get into someone’s head and heart be prepared for the escape of compressed gasses of emotions.

If you don’t have the stamina or maturity to be in such a relationship then it’s best you keep out. Don’t manipulate someone for your gains without thinking of the consequences because if someone is not letting you in it’s because there is no room for you at the Inn. Not because it’s full but simply because you don’t belong amongst the baggage that already sits there. 

Remember when you knock and there is no answer dont try to sneak in through the back door, just leave well alone and walk away. 

35 responses to “Can You Deal With Someone Else’s Pain?

  1. Actually, sometimes it happens even if you aren’t chipping the walls start to break away for some people. But I wouldn’t know about that much anyways. In my experience its better to put on a mask and go on with the show of life without giving the feeling that you have any walls to begin with.

  2. Aint it the truth!!!

    After the press and media drove me to insanity and suicide because they couldn’t buy me, they happily hacked away at me using all my friends, neghbours and family to dig into my childhood only to find the answers they didn’t want, apologised and walked away to leave me a twelve year basket case.

    Had it ended there, then that would have been bad enough, but my neighbour Doug set me up – as reported in my blog – and the church was used for a set-up which also failed.

    God knows what will happen next, but you can be sure it’ll be for £2,

    for £2,000 per head…

    Thirty pieces of silver would be more appropriate…

    Love and hugs!


  3. I’m sorry to hear it Prenin… some people are just so cruel… if the media picked up the pieces of the damage they cause after they pack up their equipment and leave… i think they would have medical bills up to their necks… i think in journalist classes they study how to lose all morals and consciences too…


  4. Yes Aneesa – it takes a particularly sick mind to try and destroy a person they know is innocent because they won’t take their blood money.

    They offered me £60,000 BEFORE driving me to suicide because I had a childhood secret and they wanted it.

    To the point that they set me up with my God daughter as bait in a honey trap AFTER I was released from Psychiatric Care and when that failed (I looked after her from birth along with older sister Emily) they tried to put the frighteners on me, threatening to burgle my home, then poisoned my water supply to force me to go to hospital so I could be examined forthe injuries I suffered when I was raped at 11 years old.

    Only then did they apologise and walk away…

    Love and hugs!


  5. oh my god what sort of humans are these people? … then again they will do anything for a story… not a care to what the do to the people they are dealing sickos…

    you should sue them…


  6. How?

    I have no proof, nobody who took part wants to admit their involvement and as a Paranoid Schizophrenic I would not be considered a reliable witness.

    On the Plus Side The News of the World paper is no more – and you can bet I raised a glass to THAT news!!! LoL!!!

    Ironic that Pat, Emily and Becky are now my main supports, in fact Pat took me to the Eye Clinic recently…

    Love and hugs!


  7. Just trying to let it all sink in after reading that, heavy for a Monday evening….

    Whether it’s good to lock something in and throw away the key is up for debate, does it do your health any favours? Some people cope very well, so it may seem from the exterior, other’s stumble along life but again never really learn to cry out loud and let it all out. Then again, those that keep it locked away may do so for memories, happy or painful they feel the world is not worthy of sharing with. But if you don’t share your pain or memory with someone close, then how do you know it really is yours?

    Now let’s spare a thought for those who chip away. If they do it to gain an advantage for themselves, on the expense of that person, then even being “hung, drawn and quartered” is too small a punishment for them.

    How about the one who keeps chipping away, keep’s trying, keep’s knocking but is continuously fobbed off. If you ask me, there’s something very romantic about that. Isn’t it like the guy who spots a girl with cold sadness in her eyes yet she is the one who shines like a radiant beam amongst all other girls for him? Is it something his eyes have seen that no eye in the world can even begin to contemplate? Is it possible that such a person can dedicate their whole life, their whole well-being to chipping away and fail each time, just so they can feel the pain the other person is feeling, the sadness of not gaining the trust and love of that other person?

    And when finally the bomb does erupt, he is the person standing to take the heat. I guess not, because most times the person locked away just doesn’t have that extra step to push forward, to hold our their hand with faith and for once let fate decide.

    Not sure if what I have written is talking out of my ass..

    • What you are saying makes a lot of sense to me… you understood me well…

      you know ive had huge flack from family and friends for writing this post… my sister flipped with me this morning after she read it.. she is so mad she refused to leave a comment…. instead she phones and flips on the phone… i tried to explain where the post is coming from yet she thinks i wrote about her… truth is I think everyone sees a little of themselves in their somewhere… the emails ive had are intersting too…

      thanks for your time in writing such a detailed reply… especially for a monday night 🙂

  8. if you want and love someone enough then you will deal with their pain and take whatever hurts them onto your shoulders but if your not prepared to go the full journey then leave well alone sad that someone is so hurt that no one can reach them xxjen

  9. In the long run, it’s no good to suppress something and make yourself believe that it never happened. Beleive me , I’ve been there. Only when you confront it and admit to yourself ..yes this was how it was, but it’s not the end of the world..(.and it isn’t really isn’t) will you begin to heal. Life is never static…that is a truth no one can ever deny. Life always comes back again with new choices for you . I twould be foolish to ignore the,m It would be just spiting yourself. Yes you need to assess and recognise those new opportunities. As for the others….you’re right in a way…privacies have to be respected and it has to be you who should be willing to unburden yourself without any kind of coercion .

    • Have you ever heard of the phrase “duty calls”? its when you don’t get to wallow in your emotions and self pity… we all need to at times… its when you are made to get on with life because you have responsibilities or the ones around you think you shouldn’t be so emotional unless they are going through the same thing… or there is simply no one to talk to or no one you trust enough to talk to.. or sometimes we just dont think anyone understand us… so why bother…

      very often in our pain we are alone…

  10. THe thing is people have become cold hearted , they play with ur emotions all the time and take you for a fool.. what you think is true love suddenly turns out to be a JOKE as the person you love decides they like someone else even after 4 -5 years of a relation .. THAT IS THE reason why we ned to be CRUEL too..

    TIT for TAT as they say … you give what you get simple rule in life ..

    regarding taking on someone else;s pain well if you love someone or care for them then YES their pain is ur pain tooo and jsut by being there for them listening ot them helping them .. will ease that for them

    • I sometimes wonder why people play with other peoples emotions… is it because they take a person on a journey that suits them.. squeeze them dry and when there is nothing left.. decide to move on…

      pain can only be shared if someone is willing to share it with you.. if they are not interested then it’s hard…

      you come as a package… your past, your pain and your emotional baggage weather its good or bad… it’s a lot to take on for anyone…

      • Yes thats what they do.. it was a sort of a BUsiness deal at that time .. which was working in their favour.

        Yes thats true it can only be shared if the person hurting wants you to be there , but what you can do is just make sure you are there AS no matter what the person who is hurting a time will come when they will need support .. beleive me maye not be right then but it will …

        Yes you come as a package but those who love ignore the package and try to make a new life together .. thats what love is isn’t it …

  11. It’s true. When I was hurt, so many people tried to break my walls to help me, I know they had good intentions, but I still needed time out. I needed to solve my problems in my own way, deal with them on my own.

    There are also the other kind of people, who you trust and let inside, and then they break your heart and leave and you’re forced to build these walls around you. Those people are the worst of all.

    • Yeah and because of those people .. those walls becomes stronger and stronger… making it harder for you to ever trust anyone or let anyone else in… even when they are sincere and have good intentions…

  12. If it is a loving relationship then these wide barriers and the highest walls can be taken away and crushed into oblivion. Whatever the deep rooted causes for anxiety and torture maybe then together and with full support, a partner who is willing to obliterate the inner worries will take away those fears and push them beyond the boundaries of impairment, as all of these anxieties, in time can be conquered .

    The old saying of a trouble shared is a trouble halved does hold truth my wickedly fine friend, and in a devoted relationship the bond is so strong that nothing can breach the walls of sanity and cause distress.

    Anything less is not from a
    real love, friend or whatever…

    Androgoth XXx

    • You really do whack that nail on the head O’dark one… When will someone come along be the person you want them to be… pick you up when you need it most.. be there not just as a friend or lover but to be their as part of your tortured soul and share those deep wounds that need help in healing…

      There will be a day when someone will reach out their hand for you to take and when you take it… you will feel the firm and confident grasp… that will never let go… when that day will come….


      • One must always live with hopefulness my wickedly fine friend, and when that person enters such a life with another then all the darkness, anxieties and worries that have lived within the recesses of the heart and mind will melt away, replacing the darker imagery with a light so bright and intense that with a true loving tenderness and awareness of those inner demons, they will be crushed forever…

        Have a lovely rest of evening Aneesa 🙂

        Androgoth XXx

  13. Very nice. I can definitely relate with having walls up. But I think I learned long time ago, when you have your walls up.. you may miss out on something that is just for you. You have to know when to have your guard up and when it let it down. Nice post

    • So true and in time i think we become experts at it aswell… putting them up and letting them down…

      I always believe if something is for you it wont go by you… we can always hope…

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