I Was Impressed, Then I wasn’t

I’m not easily impressed by guys. If the visual is good sometimes they just need to open their mouth and it puts me right off.

( I’m gonna call this person Zia ) Zia’s family have been wanting to come and visit since before ramzan. I kept telling my brother to put them off, I’m not interested in looking at any rishtay ( perspective grooms ) I’m really not into all this cattle Market nonsense ( it’s how it feels at times ) plus I’m not looking.

Anyway, against my best wishes my brother arranged for them to come round last week. His attitude is, you just never know. The visiting party consisted of his mother, brother and bhabhi. The brother knows my own very well but this was the first time I was meeting them.

So I prepared the usual and waited for their arrival. The door bell goes and to my horror they are early and my brother is still in the dam shower. As there is no one else home it’s left for me to answer the door and let them in.

They were shocked to see me but all smiled pleasantly and greeted me affectionately. Zia was last to enter, he looked at me said Salam, smiled and lowered his gaze. Wow! This guy was not checking me out. Point 1 to him.

I showed them through to our lounge and explained that bhai is in the washroom and will be through shortly. The bhabhi apologised saying we are early. Point 2 to them for knowing and mentioning they messed up.

I felt quite relaxed amongst them. I’m not a shy person and I’m old enough and experienced enough of these things to make small talk. Which we proceeded to do so for about ten minutes.

I could easily have separated the women and left the men on their own but in this sort of situation it’s best to keep everyone in one place as so many things can go wrong. So if something is said or done it’s in front of everyone.

Zia made small talk too. He was polite and respectful but one thing I noticed was his interaction with his mother. If she interrupted he wouldn’t push to finish what he had started to say. Is he a mummy’s boy or is it just a great deal of respect? Hard to tell at this point. So no points.

Eventually my brother appeared looking well groomed and all apologetic bla bla bla. While they extended their formalities my mind began to wonder.

It’s always like this. Everyone will be polite and nice and everyone seems perfect. It’s more an opportunity for them to check out girl and us to check out boy.

Next I had to get refreshments and I’m thinking the sooner we get this over and done with the better. I was starting to get irritated now. I put out the refreshments and retreated back to the kitchen as I had no intention of joining them. Requirements are you make one appearance so they can see you, my job was done. It would keep my brother happy and the rest too.

I was tidying up and waiting for them to leave when I heard footsteps in the hallway. I thought it was my brother but it was Zia carrying the refreshment tray back.

I was stunned.

Wasn’t expecting this. Because he took me by surprise I became flustered but soon recovered.

He didn’t leave he proceeded to empty the tray and chatting away like all is normal. I just leaned against the dining table and watched him.

He was tall with broad shoulders. His was hair was short n neat. He was dressed casually but smart. Overall not a bad looking guy who was well dressed. His bhabhi came through with the 2nd tray and asked if I required any help. I refused saying I was managing just fine.

We continued to chat with her asking me what I did etc I replied honestly and politely. Zia implored with his own question of why I don’t work. I replied I do some work from home but generally I don’t need to work. My brother provides well for all of us, I’m lucky. He replied with his own retort, well what if you get a husband who can’t provide for you what will you do then? minus 1 point

I heard his bhabhi gasp from where she was standing. His tone was not a casual one and while he appeared rude I understood what he meant. It’s important he knows that if he can’t provide a pampered lifestyle what will I do. minus 1 more point.

I smiled and replied very sweetly that we will try our best to make do with what we have and if it’s not enough then I will consider working.

His bhabhi asked, who will look after the kids. The grandmother of course I replied. Who flipping else I wondered. minus another point.

Amazing how things that are going so well can turn sour so quickly. I really hated my brother at this point.

When his bhabhi returned to the kitchen he didn’t follow. Instead he took out a card with his name and number and said. I won’t ask for your number but here is mines and I hope you will call or text me sometime so we can chat some more. He returned to the lounge. This guy had come well prepared. minus another point.

Ten minutes later I heard them leave and my brother called me to come and say goodbye. I decided not to go. They left.

My brother later asked me what I thought. My silence said it all. Sometimes he knows when he’s pushed me too far. He means well but he just never listens to me.

This morning he told me that they have been back in touch and are interested. I shrug my shoulders and tell him that they are looking for a money machine nothing else.

Out of all the questions he and his sister-in-law could have asked they choose to dwell on my issues of not working and if I would work after marriage. Most in-laws want their daughter in-laws to stay at home and this lot want you to go out and work. Doesn’t make sense.

My brother wasn’t impressed either after hearing this. I gave him the card with Zia’s name and number. He was quiet after that.

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46 responses to “I Was Impressed, Then I wasn’t

  1. Hi hun! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Sounds like a right cattle market!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

    I’d like to say that we have the freedom to marry whoever we wish, or not at all – my choice – but I have to admit my parents marriage was arranged because my mother was regarded as ‘damaged goods’ and my dad was nobodies prize.

    Needless to say he became an abuser, beating and mentally destroying his wife, keeping her short of money so she starved herself to feed and clothe her children until the doctor intervened and read him the riot act.

    I still remember the day he tried to sell me to a gangster family involved in child prostitution, kiddie porn and blackmail.

    Not the best of days…

    Mum has divorced him and remarried, but dad still lies about everything and now is rejected by our entire extended family apart from my brother Keith who is a born again Christian and his wife insisted he forgive his father.

    The only one of us who did.

    To this day I remain under threat of death at his hands because I broke his main rule: I told people what he had done.

    Marrying for love isn’t perfect, but marrying simply to find a man isn’t what I’d call a good idea – but then I’m biased! LoL!!!

    Love and hugs always!

    Prenin.

    • You sound like you really have seen and heard it all.. it must have been a hard life for you.

      How is your mother now? I hope a lot happier..

      Some arranged marriages work and some don’t just like any other marriage. Things have changed and you do get the opportunity to get to know the person better but within limits depending on your background and family.

      I’m not in a rush, so we will see what happens. Time will tell.

  2. I’m not familiar with arranged marriages. I don’t readily understand them at all… so you’re brother is going to listen to you now? I guess…

  3. hmm well not to worry , I would suggest not to think about it , when marriage happens or when you like the guy it will happen in minutes .. its just one of those things ..

    All the best with everything and I am sure there is somewhere Mr. right waiting just for that RIGHT time to appear in front of you .. and maybe then you will leave your number to him ..

    Take care and keep smiling

    • Mr Right and the right time… both just don’t seem to be coming together… ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

      It was just very rude of him I think to offer his number like that especially when it was early stages…

      The work issues could have been brought up another time or approached in a different way… some people just piss you off big time… ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

  4. Sounds like u had a fun filled afternoon viewing prospective a match. Arranged marriage or love marriage, doesn’t make a difference to be honest, you have to click and also over time let ur relationship mature. I know friends who had a love marriage after going out years, didn’t last more then a year, why? Try to treat things the same. It’s a lotto marriage but u get plenty to chances to spice things up, u have to.
    Happy shopping/looking/assessing.
    D.

    • You are so right, you just never know what is going to work. I am open to both and if I find someone who I click with either way I will give it my all. Because marriage is for life and I want it to work.

      That means the other person has got to want it as much as I do and for the right reasons too.

      As soon as they both came into the kitchen their attitudes changed and so did their questions. I understand that some things are priorities for other people and wont beat about the bush, they just get straight to the point. I do it myself sometimes, but I don’t have many requirements. ( just want someone who wont bore me to death )

      But they’re tone was all wrong and very snidey. It was almost as if they resented the fact that I didn’t work. Just because I choose not to work it doesn’t mean I’m dumb or can’t get a job.

      It’s the first time that someone came and their attitude was so evident. Usually the refusal is along the lines of the fact that we don’t fit their requirements or they don’t fit ours. ( he was boring as hell ๐Ÿ™‚ )

      Happy shopping/looking/assessing <<<<<< funny! and then the disappointments that follow. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

  5. I feel that arranged marriage is far better than love.
    Love marriages rarely work out. because a guy may be acting and pretending before the weeding just to win you over, and after the wedding you realise it’s a completely different person.
    But in arranged marriage, you know what you’re in for.

    • Scrambled you are so right! Love blinds you to many things, you ignore a lot of things because you are in love and don’t care about anything else but being with that person.

      You ignore what your elders tell you and all other advice.

      Then once you are married reality hits… I’ve seen so many marriages fall apart because of this.

  6. Hi hun! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Yes it was in interesting kind of life – dad left me scarred for life both physically and mentally as well as unable to father children of my own, so I looked after 42 my God-daughter’s family ‘adopting’ me and I am now officially a ‘God Granddad!’ ๐Ÿ™‚

    Mum married a good man who is a bit of an idiot and unable to think for himself, but they are happy.

    Dad – who killed our pets when Social Services investigated him for child abuse and he was unable to touch us any more – now has a three legged dog and a woman his own age.

    He still threatens to kill me, but I doubt if he has the guts to do it any more…

    Ho Hum… ๐Ÿ™‚

    Love and hugs!

    Prenin.

    • My heart goes out to you, it really does.

      But I wonder what led your father to behave this way, to be so abusive and hurt his own child in such a harrowing way. No one is born evil, and it’s sad to hear this. I am sure he has regrets, and if he hasn’t then one day they will come and it will probably be to late to make amends.

      It sounds to me you have more grandchildren than anyone else can manage. Lucky you! I bet they love you to pieces ๐Ÿ˜›

      Did you ever go for counselling?

      • I got a child psychologist when I was about ten years old and he told dad I was OK, but that HE needed help.

        His response was to go ballistic and blame this insult on me.

        Took him a week of violence to assauge his insulted feelings…

        Dad has damaged all three of his children – my youngest brother Keith did a full career as a soldier and saw action freeing Kuwait, but the councillor said he was broken before he joined the army.

        Middle brother Neil has disowned dad who will never see his grandson.

        I was never offered councilling, but saw several psychiatrists who stuffed me full of pills…

        I have lived through Hell, but life is much better now even though I’d need a Bank Loan to buy all the grandkids presents at Christmas!!! LoL!!!

        I am now happy if dependent on medication and that’s all that matters! ๐Ÿ™‚

        Love and hugs!

        Prenin.

        • Prenin … I’m sorry. I’ve quietly read your responses and I’ve felt so saddened by your story. I’m glad that you are now happy…

          • Thanks hun, that means a lot to me. ๐Ÿ™‚

            Everything I went through is on my blog in three poems, but they are only a snapshot of my early life.

            I am now not expected to work, so I have a small income, but I DO tend to get bored, even though I have several games on my Playstation 3 which occupy me.

            I have seen the worst that people could throw at me and been through some terrible times, but I’m still standing! ๐Ÿ™‚

            Love and hugs my friend! ๐Ÿ™‚

            Prenin.

        • It’s unreal what was on offer ten for help and what is given nowadays.
          I
          At least they realised that it was your father that needed help but shame they never did anything about it..

          I’m so pleased you have come through a fighter and doing so well… you do deserve the best in life.. and I think bank loan or no bank loan those kids wont care about presents if they have you as a grand daddy.. you have a lot of love to give.. i can feel it.. ๐Ÿ˜‰

          Wish you all the best in life ๐Ÿ™‚

    • The pushiness came from him insisting they come round. He thinks you just never know what you might find, and should not knock anyone. So if he thinks they are ok he will let them approach him.

      But he was not amused when I told him about their attitude and the working thing as my brother is of my thinking, why work if you don’t have to. He is very traditional and not liberal at all. So he was not amused when I told him the guy left his number. His thinking is everything should be done through the elders and this guys intentions were wrong and disrespectful.

      I point to me ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. An interesting meeting but what happens next? You know I don’t know anything about arranged marriages and so I will not offer a comment on something that I have no knowledge of, however it seems to me that love is something that is very special whether it is a love that has been nurtured through months and years of knowing someone or indeed finding the love together in an arranged marriage and finding love together…

    I guess it all depends on how it develops but one thing to always remember is to always love deeply from the heart and enjoy every part of it, one can be very inventive in love and of course this is where my comment ends ๐Ÿ™‚ lol But I do hope that I have said what I wanted to put across and more importantly that you have understood it in the way in which I offered it? yes well that probably doesn’t make a lot of sense but I know what I mean ๐Ÿ™‚ lol Do have a wonderful rest of evening and a very nice Tuesday also ๐Ÿ™‚

    Be very well now my wickedly fine friend…

    Androgoth Xx

  8. Nothing much will happen, very nicely we will make some excuse and tell them we wish not to proceed any further. My brother will inform them or someone who will let them know.

    Had we wished to proceed then they would either have been invited back again or my brother will then visit them in their house. Where things will be looked at more closely and then issues and requirements will start getting looked at. If my brother was satisfied then he will give me the opportunity to meet with him and chat to him less formally.

    Before many years ago and in some places it still happens that parents do the looking and parents have the final say. But times have changed and we do get to choose and see and decide. My brother is very traditional but he is still trying his best to do good by me. It’s hard for him as our parents have passed away.

    If I meet someone of my own choice then I can inform my family that this is my choice and things will be left to them to deal with.

    I do get what you are saying O’dark one and understand what you mean. This is a bit like a dating site where a person is picked for you according to your background etc and then we see if we click or not and if they match up to what we are looking for. If there is a spark then it’s all good. If not then you just move on.

    There are so many types of love and you have to be open minded in this process to let it grow if it does’t happen instantly.

    These marriages are a great success too as they are just not based on love but on compatibility and backgrounds too. So if one thing isn’t working other things will still be in place to give you a fighting chance.

    The good thing about arranged marriages, no matter what happens you know your family will get you married of one day and you don’t need to go through all that horror of the dating process either. ๐Ÿ˜›

    Wishing you a very pleasant night my dearest friend… ๐Ÿ™‚

    • The main thing here then, is that you actually get
      a choice and that is very important my wickedly fine
      friend… Have a lovely rest of evening now IMT ๐Ÿ™‚

      Androgoth Xx

  9. Uh on your point rating system well firstly he had no point of “checking you out” pictures are enough for that ๐Ÿ˜› secondly, the work thing well in today’s economy its often that the wife has to work too but then again its her choice. I mean my bhabhi works on and off whenever she feels like it. my mother, my khalas work to kill their boredom o.O nvm that ๐Ÿ˜› and the card thing is just wow ๐Ÿ˜› I mean seriously people do that?:P

    • First of all he hadn’t seen no photos that’s why he got the point for not checking me out.. most guys would have oggled as best as they could have walking past me into the house… it’s human nature ๐Ÿ˜›

      Working after marriage is not a problem… but it wont be my choice.. it’s what they want from me..
      my bhabhi worked too but because she wanted to.. not because it was expected of her… What he wanted was for her to be there for her kids and we provided her with a very comfortable lifestyle to be able to do this.. when she decided to go back to work I helped her then too and it was because she wanted to and felt she needed too…

      That’s the issue here.. that all they are concerned about is the fact that I must work.. what does that tell you about them?

      The card thing ๐Ÿ™‚
      Now that was very presumptious of him don’t you think? Who does that? I should have told him to take the card with him.. but at that point I was to annoyed then too stunned to react the way i should have.. plus if I’d made a scene with no one beside us god knows what sort of stories would have been made up… like i said he should never have followed me into the kitchen…

      He took too many liberties in a very short space of time… the number exchange I wouldn’t have minded later on.. but not to so soon…

      • Seriously, why do girls think that they are the only thing a guy would stare at -.- the world’s a beautiful place -.-” no offense -.-
        and lol wow still can’t stop laughing at the card ๐Ÿ˜›

        • Seriously… it’s what happens.. perhaps you don’t do it but others do… yes the world is a beautiful place and so am i ๐Ÿ˜›

          me thinks you like the idea of the card thing… i bet next time you go to “check out” a girl you wll be carrying them too ๐Ÿ˜›

          • To quote the lyricist of Poets of the Fall, “The images they sell are Illusion and Dream” ๐Ÿ˜› again no offense and its not good to live in delusions ๐Ÿ˜›
            Lol I don’t know what to laugh harder at, the idea that I would check out a girl or I would actually “write” my cellphone number on a piece of a card ๐Ÿ˜› personally I think its the first one and no I AM NOT GAY -.- ๐Ÿ˜›

            • i don’t live in illusions, i like to stick to facts and no offence taken… you will have to see me to believe me ๐Ÿ˜›

              ok your not gay.. and i didn’t think you were…. when i said check out a girl… what i meant is when you go to look at a rishta, if you ever have the luck of going ๐Ÿ˜›

              Zia has now requested through some mutual friends that i contact him… he still thinks i have his number.. its in the bin ๐Ÿ˜›

              • Righttt, ever came across a narcissistic guy who is too self absorbed and busy in his own world to bother give any girl who passes by a second look ๐Ÿ˜› well that’s kinda me ๐Ÿ˜›
                lol and no I really don;’t think that day would coem any time soon ๐Ÿ˜›
                and lol good luck with that ๐Ÿ˜› such a lovely couple you two make ๐Ÿ˜› you should search for the number in the bin just like in the movies ๐Ÿ˜› awww how beautifully pukish ๐Ÿ˜›

                • yeah ive come across a few but they have never stayed self absorbed for long after that.. ๐Ÿ˜›

                  aaaanyyyywwwwaaaaayyyssssss

                  i wont be taking his number out of no bin… it will stay there… he had his chance and blew it… and no we dont make a nice couple… humari jori koi nei sajti… ๐Ÿ˜› yes very pukish indeed…

                  actually there was more to that visit than what i wrote.. kabhi moka milla i will tell you… ๐Ÿ™‚

  10. Omg! :/ What a jerk. I can understand your situation because seeing prospective rishtas can be exhaustive especially if you’re a girl then you have to bear with the staring and the odd questions and sometimes things like these. I’m glad you come out of it strong and awesome.
    Don’t worry, your perfect guy will find you!

    • It is annoying and frustrating because while you are not interested in looking you have to go along with it for the sake of your family, they just don’t listen… and then you have such a short time to asses someone that you try to analyse everything and anything and it just ends up a big mess…

      I think he feels the same way, like i said before he has sent me a few messages now through friends apologising and asking to get in touch…

      You do come out strong and smarter too.. till next time lol ๐Ÿ˜›

  11. I know. My sister is going through the same predicament and she hates it but oh well, life can’t always be good to you so you gotta rock the boat and hope something comes off the ride!

  12. Found your blog as you *liked* one of my posts. Thanks for that ๐Ÿ™‚

    I found this post entertaining – and your assessment of the situation most intriguing! Wish I had had your analytical capacity when I was younger – would have saved me lots of heartache! I look forward to coming back and reading more later on … Cheers!

    • Thanks for dropping by…

      I think experiences in life make us more aware of what is going on around us and we learn to read people too…

      Look forward to seeing you again soon… ๐Ÿ™‚

  13. OooOok…i don’t even know what i’ll do in next hour and that lady had it planned out for such long time…kaafi door-andesh bndi thi:P…you should’ve asked if she was serious:P

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