GSCE exam results (seriously!) not!!

The following were (allegedly!) collated from last years UK GCSE exam results (16 year olds).

GEOGRAPHY

Q: Name the four seasons.

A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

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Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.

A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large

pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

~~~~~~~~~~

Q: How is dew formed?

A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

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Q: What is a planet?

A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

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Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?

A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water

tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the

moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

~~~~~~~~~~

SOCIOLOGY

Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?

A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well-endowed.

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Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?

A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

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Q: What are steroids?

A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

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BIOLOGY

Q: What happens to your body as you age?

A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

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Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his

~~~~~~~~~~

Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.

A: Premature death.

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Q: What is artificial insemination?

A: When the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.

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Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?

A: Keep it in the cow.

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Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g. abdomen.)

A: The body is consisted into three parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E, I, O and U.

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Q: What is the Fibula?

A: A small lie.

~~~~~~~~~~

Q: What does “varicose” mean?

A: Nearby.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?

A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

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Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section.”

A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

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Q: What is a seizure?

A: A Roman emperor.

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Q: What is a terminal illness?

A: When you are sick at the airport.

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Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?

A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

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ENGLISH

Q: Use the word “judicious” in a sentence to show you understand

its meaning.

A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face

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Q: What does the word “benign” mean?

A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

~~~~~~~~~~

TECHNOLOGY

Q: What is a turbine?

A: Something an Arab wears on his head.

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