Oi! Moron! Yes you!

Soooooooooo…. If all the drivers on the road are morons and idiots, then you must be the only decent driver around; the only one who knows how to drive, park and know their high way code inside out… right? WRONGGGG!!!!!

I’ve been driving for a while, I know I’m not perfect at it,  I do think I’m a good driver and my clean record and low insurance premiums back me up on this statement.

But what makes a good driver a really good driver? Well I’ve compiled a list of what makes you not a good driver. If you recognise yourself here but answered yes in the first paragraph… shame on you!

So here it is my list of what I think makes a moron and idiot the best at what they do….

They  never indicate!

Now this driver will never indicate no matter how much traffic is on the road and no matter how busy it is. This driver thinks all other drivers have telepathy, we know automatically what you are about to do! Yes! This driver does! We know he is going to turn of the roundabout at the last minute or that he suddenly changed his mind when we are about to pull out.  This driver is also convinced that when he/she suddenly pulls  in front of us and we blast our horn out of anger and fear of our lives  (because we just missed hitting him) that we are mad! They will look at us like WTF you doing that for!

Remember drivers its mirrors, indicate mirrors THEN manoeuver! Oh and please if you decide to start using them, then please use them before the maneuver bit not half way through.

They drive up your backside!

My brother used to say, hey that guy behind me wants to kiss my ass! It’s literally true. Why on earth do you want to drive so close to someone, are you starved of affection or something that you want to be close to me? If I suddenly slam on my brakes are you looking forward to flying through my windscreen? No! I didn’t think so… so please stay back.

They rev their engines at pedestrian crossings and traffic lights when you are crossing and look angrily at you.

Ok I’ve known to have done a very rude gesture to a few of these morons. Now I went over some of the theory test questions and again with a mate and it clearly states that pedestrians have priority before drivers. EVEN when there is a red light stopping you from knocking me down you rudely rev your engine and stare at me like im about to do an indian rain dance on your bonnet.  I will always have priority remember that! Do you think just because you’re revving your engine I’m gonna miraculously disappear and amazingly the lights will change to green?

They think its ok to use their mobile while driving AND texting AND eating AND drinking.

Hey listen it’s your car, your mobile and your life but don’t you dare endanger mine! And I want you to move off from red lights on time and I want you to notice whats going on around you. I want you to concentrate on your driving especially at 70 mph on the motorway. I want you to not act surprised when someone toots their horn because you are driving erratically on the road and I want you to try not drop your phone, sandwich, burger or cup of coffee while changing gears and then dip down to look for it. Who is watching where your car is going at this point? because hey it’s veering out of lane IN TO MINE.

And one more thing if you have stopped to answer the damn thing or finish your snack because you don’t do anything in the above paragraph then please don’t just stop anywhere.  Make sure you are not blocking other traffic and not park round a bend either because someone from the above paragraph is going to drive into you because he never saw you (too busy texting!)

They will weave in and out of traffic.

Now this causes chaos with other drivers and holds up traffic. But you know whats hilarious about this? They don’t get anywhere faster than me, I’m always still a few cars behind or my lane will get faster than yours until you try to weave your way in and we have to slow down to let you in! Just stick to your lane eh! You’re the reason we are all late for work, including yourself!

They drive slower than the left lane but sit in the right lane.

Please check your mirror and see the damn que behind you! yes caused by you! Just move over and get out the way and let me pass! If you can’t handle the fast pace then move to the left, that’s what it’s for. I promise we wont think any less of you!!

They hate having to wait while you park and will never let you pull out either unless they want your place.

Listen guys sometimes a few minutes or seconds of waiting never killed anyone.  Don’t sit there murmuring and shaking your head as if you’ve never made anyone wait while you did a “perfect bay park!”

They shout and swear like mad men…

Sorry did you say something? What? Why is your face going all red? I can’t hear you! Your window is up! My window is up! So shut the hell up!

If you recognised yourself in any of these, are you shocked? surprised? Or do you have a simple explanation?

If you want to past the list on to some moron who deserves to know he is one, please be my guest…. 🙂


4 responses to “Oi! Moron! Yes you!

  1. Haha lolzz do i have too 😦 .. ok fine then just for u.. but watch i wont get anything from it lol..x

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