The Highs and Lows

I really like this song… sadly I couldn’t find one with English subtitles…

I’ve had a really busy week with Eid and everything…  all in all it went really well. Had some good quality family time and managed to fit in a few visits and receive a few visitors.

One of my mates brought around a massive box of chocolates… can’t wait to dig into them.. maybe when we are watching something good at the weekend. Right now too stuffed to eat them.

I think festive occasions do make you think about those who are not with us anymore.. and it’s hard to try to get through these days sometimes. I think this year we coped reasonably well. The morning was bad but as the day wore on and the day started to get busy I think we managed to pick ourselves up and make an effort for each other.

You learn a lot as time goes on. The world never stops. It just keeps revolving round and round like a carousel. You look around and you see that others want to get on but are waiting for you as they don’t want to leave you behind. But they also don’t want to get on.. because they aren’t ready. Then one of you realises that an effort has to be made or the moment will pass and you will only end up blaming each other or worse your depression gets worse.

In mourning it becomes a battle of survival at times. Very often we are trying to save ourselves then we aren’ t and sometimes we are trying to save each other forgetting all about ourselves.

It sounds like a muddle I know and very often that’s how it feels up there in my head. You lose all sense of time and forget that there is a purpose to life. You do have to get up and move along. Move along as in your day and not sit in one place thinking or doing useless stuff that has no meaning or sense of purpose.

I very often sit and sit, doing nothing at all. I think that’s the day I get the most done. Emotionally and mentally because at the end I’m exhausted. It’s like I’ve done a full days work of hard labour. Which is quite funny because the place looks a tip and I’m too exhausted to do anything and so the day has passed.

There are good days too.. where is burst of energy and you just can’t stop because you are on such a high. I call them my good days, I feel great. There is the nagging thing in the back of my head tho, that while im flying today on such a rush and high, I know I will crash and I crash badly. I really hate it when that happens. It’s inevitable and there is nothing to avoid it, I’m on such a rush at those times I can’t even pace myself.

I think eventually I will figure it out, right now I don’t have a clue. Tomorrow I’m gonna be the smartest in town when I’m on that high again. Bring it on!!