5 things you need to start doing today to live a happier life

This is a guest post from Sharn Khaira.

It was 2.30am on a cold Thursday January morning. We received a call, the kind of call that I wouldn’t even wish upon even my greatest enemy.
The call was from India. My cousin who was just 37 years of age, married 4 years and a father of a 2 year old little girl had just died in his sleep. Just like that he was taken away from us in one split second. It’s a simple as that, one minute you’re here and the next minute you’re gone.
At first when I got woken up by my mum I thought she had mistaken my cousin for someone else. She knocked on my door in the middle of the night and looked shocked and upset, still coming to terms with what she had just heard. My heart beat so fast as I was trying to find out what the hell was going on. Nothing made sense. After all he was fit and healthy and had no health issues. I just couldn’t believe it. When she said those words out loud that he had passed away. I can’t describe to you the pain I felt. As if someone had literally ripped my heart out and split it into two. We were so close, spending each Christmas together when he lived in the UK. It felt like I was in some sort of sick nightmare. Myself and my mum sobbed inconsolably. Surely this couldn’t be true?
Oh it was. I rang India to find out for myself. My cousin picked up the phone and she was crying uncontrollably. I found out that he had died in his sleep with a brain haemorrhage, with his wife and daughter next to his side. She had no clue. He wasn’t even in any pain, he just slipped away peacefully to the heaven’s.
Ever since that day I have been questioning everything. My complete life. How I interact with people, how I live my life and who my friends and enemies are. Above all, what do I want out of my life? I’ve always known, and it’s been said time and time again that life is too short but if there was some sort of sick example I had definitely been shown it. Life really is too short. To think one day you won’t actually wake up, and this is true of everyone in the world.
Since that day I have been thinking that if tomorrow was my last day what regrets would I have? What would I do more of? Who would I have wanted to see more of? A few thoughts came to my mind.
I’m an ambitious entrepreneur and sometimes I get so bogged down in my demanding job and work schedule that I even get “too busy” to reply to a text to a loved one. Again because of my business I don’t spend near as much time as I should with my family and friends as I’m always “too busy” working. I become too obsessed with chasing the money/dollar trying to become successful and making a name for myself. I mean yes money is important but in the end we are going to the same place so we can’t take it with us.
The truth is in this 21st Century Britain us British Asians have just simply become “too busy”. Too busy with our kids, too busy with our career or too busy hustling. We just don’t seem to have enough time for our loved ones. But then isn’t that what life is about. Cherishing those beautiful moments with the people you love most?
Of course it is. But that sounds so simplistic. But it is simple. If you get rid of all the drama and negative energy that weighs you down, then life should be about that.
For that reason I have made 5 rules which I will try and abide by moving forward. Because if I do die tomorrow, I will have the least amount of regrets from my side:

1) Spend more time with your friends and family. Because in the end that’s what really matters. Try and see them at least every few months or what your schedule permits. It can be difficult with family that perhaps don’t live in the same city as you but make a conscious effort to see them or even pick up the phone.

2) Do more things that you LOVE. I don’t know about you but sometimes I just love doing nothing! Lounging around in my pj’s eating junk food and watching Sex and the City. Due to my tight work schedule and my side business I very rarely get to do this. But now I’ve realised it’s really important to do this at least once a month. I’ll sure be doing this in February!

3) Stop being a control freak. I’m an utter control freak. I have everything planned out so I know exactly what I’m doing and when I’m doing it. But with my cousin passing away I’ve realised that we DON’T have everything in control. Sure we can map out days and weeks but life is what happens when we’re busy making plans. Things aren’t in control so just relax.

4) Travel more. The world is such a big beautiful place. 7 continents, 196 countries and god knows how many languages. I think we do get bogged down in our little world in our tiny little city and forget that the world is a big place. I’m planning on doing lots more travelling this year to Europe. Take time out and experience the world, after all you only live once.

5) Work on being the best you can be. I’m unhappy with my weight. Always have been. Not that I’m obese or anything but I want a body that I’m proud of. That’s why I have decided I will get the body I WANT this year. I’m going to be working on being the best I can be so I have no regrets.
If there is anything you take from this post, make sure you have no regrets and live life to the fullest.
In the end, it’s not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away

- shing xiong

This post was written by Sharn Khaira, who has set up http://www.indian-connect.co.uk, an online community where Sikhs and Hindus from the UK can connect with each other.

I have been tagged – Twice

I have been tagged 2 times to answer some questions posed by my fellow bloggers The British Asian Blog and potatosandwich. It’s 3 times I’ve been tagged, I’ve just forgotten who it was :( So when I remember I will do that post too.

So here goes…

First of all the rules must be posted…

  1.  You must post the rules
  2. Answer the questions tagger set for you in their post and then ‘create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged’
  3. Tag eleven people and link to them on your post.
  4. Let them know you’ve tagged them!
These questions were set by The British Asian Blog
  1. Reveal one secret now, which you have never told anyone else?There is a reason why it’s a secret, so if I’ve not told anyone up till now… I’m not going to do it now either   
  2. From your closest friends network, name one person who you secretly envy and why? I have some amazing friends and all have done expectationally well in life, I admire and adore them but envy them I don’t. Maybe it’s because I’m just too thankful for what I have in life and never dwell too much on what I don’t.
  3. If you were made Prime Minister for One day of your current country or the country from you originate from with total power – what changes would you make in that one day to make your country better? Some things are just a lost cause and no matter what you do nothing will change it or help it. So what I would do is look and see what I could do for future generations to better their lives and the country I’m in charge of.  I would pass a bill that has to put education on the front and given top priority and attention be given to funding this system and it made available to every child free of charge. I’m a firm believer that education is where it all starts and if we can give top education to our future generations then the country will become a better place itself.
  4. Do you know why men have nipples? Yes, it’s to tell which way round they are, what is their back and what is their front, because otherwise everything looks the same and we wouldn’t have a clue much like them not having a clue about themselves.
  5. If there is one physical aspect you would change about yourself – what would that be? I’ve never really thought about this but if I did have a chance to change something I’d probably want longer hair, really long hair.
  6. When was the last time you cried – and why? Right now I’m attending a wedding which has about 8 functions. It’s this families first wedding, and it’s very emotional, so tears are flowing just about all the time when we are round there joining in on the celebrations. Other than that probably Mother’s Day.
  7. Identify one thing you hate about yourself (physical appearance or habit)? It has to be my ability to detach myself from certain situations that. I have friends and family tell me all the time that in certain situations I become very robotic. It might be my way of coping with things but usually I prefer looking into a situation rather than being part of it.
  8. If you could rewind back time, tell me one thing or incident you would change in which you were involved in? Probably a funeral I went to, I still get the flash backs.
  9. Name one blogger (in your blogging community) you would like to meet in person? It would have to be Bobby, he is my closest friend here and we have this amazing relationship. At first when I visited his blog I thought he was a pain in the ass but he proved me wrong very quickly. We became friends during a very dark period in my life and he was there with me and for me all the way. He brings out the worst and best in me and if there is anything I appreciate about him is how he brings out the honesty in me which nobody else seems to do. So yeah Bobby it would be.
  10. If you had to choose between keeping a lottery win (for millions) or keeping your love of your life – which one would you choose and why? I wouldn’t pick either, both bring you nothing but misery.
  11. Tell us about one embarrassing incident when you was caught red handed doing something which your shouldn’t have? I fancied this biology teacher of mine, call it a crush, and one day I had skipped school. He caught me mucking about across the road from the school. I was mortified, I got into so much trouble but I was more heart broken he told me off and punished me. I honestly thought the guy loved me secretly, obviously not! My mates had a field day at school teasing me about this.. to this day they still do…

This set of questions were set by our wonderful buddy Expand and Realise

  1. If you had to change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I have a habit of lecturing people when I get annoyed with them. If  they keep going on about something that I don’t agree with I will start.
  2. What three things have you learnt from your immediate family? Fight till death if you really want something, no one is ever nice to you without a reason and family isn’t everything ( they will put others first and their own needs first before they think of you )
  3. Today you win the lottery, what will you do in the next seven days? I don’t do the lottery so it’s kinda hard to imagine, but if I did I will be planning on leaving the country and no one gets to know where I’m going.
  4. If you had the chance to go back in time to view a past event, what event would that be and why? My 1st birthday, I’d love to see how it was celebrated and how happy my parents were.
  5. If your life was a book, what would the title be? She really was crazier than she sounded!
  6. If you were asked to re-design the World, what message would you give to the new human race? Everyone must be nice to everyone… then sit back and watch the drama unfold…
  7. Growing up, what’s the best memory you have? Sitting in a tree, with my brothers and their mates, in a Pakistani village throwing oranges at passers by. It was hilarious until we got caught.
  8. If you were asked to direct a film, what would it be about and what would you call it? (cannot be about your life). “He did have sex with her!” but from Hilary Clinton’s point of view. Would love to know her point of view on the whole palava… I’m hoping she will let me interview her for research on the film.
  9. If you could visit any country in the world, where would you go and why? Tambuktu it’s meant to be really nice there :P…
  10. Do you think all this “social media” and “instant communication” is a goodthing for us?  Please explain your answer. Of course it is… I remember when communication between family and relatives used to take weeks and phone calls were rare, business wise we can all see the advantages but in people’s private lives it really has made all the difference. I was on skype with some friends the other day and it was just like sitting having a drink with them in my own house. I felt like they had come to visit.
  11. If you were to write a hand-written letter to someone, who would you address it to and what message would you write in it? It would be to my two moms and I’d probably write things to them I never got to say to them.

Now my 11 questions…

  1. What are the reasons or inspiration for your blog?
  2. If you were given 3 wishes what would you wish for? ( can’t ask for more wishes)
  3. Time is running out and you only have time to either have a shower or iron your clothes, what will you do?
  4. The reason behind you having the mobile that you do?
  5. A song you love but are embarrassed to let anyone know, what’s it called?
  6. If you were an animal, which would you be?
  7. If you could turn back the clock and fix a mistake you made, which would it be?
  8. Out of all the blogs here on wordpress which one would you recommend to me for reading?
  9. What’s the worst post you have ever read and why was it so bad for you?
  10. Why have you chosen the theme that you have on your blog?
  11. Your favourite quote of all time?

 

And my tags are…

aterlycan

eva626

ladywithatruck

prenin

Dev!l

Rinth

Sajib

♡ The Tale Of My Heart ♡

The Hook

mysterycoach

Androgoth

 

Which Do You Really Do?

Hundreds of people were asked to “describe your own job in one sentence, preferably in a humorously derogatory way.” Here are the best replies taken from hundreds…

  1. Read things that don’t matter, then write papers saying they do matter, for points that don’t matter, in order to get a job doing something totally unrelated: Student
  2. Take numbers on pieces of paper, rearrange them and put them on different pieces of paper: Tax Accountant
  3. Explain big words to sales people and then cower before customers while trying to convince them that the sales people really didn’t say what the customers understood: Customer Solutions Engineer
  4. Learn laws created ages ago so that I can tell engineers why I’m smarter than they are while complaining how it’s a travesty that they get paid more: Physics major
  5. Show you innovative ways to burn money in the spirit of patriotism: Fireworks Stand Manager
  6. Help people lie consistently to their bosses: Business Intelligence Consultant
  7. Teach your kids enough to complain but not enough to make a difference: College Teacher
  8. Pass poisonous gas on command: Research Assistant in solid state ammonia storage
  9. Make people who are already filthy rich somewhat richer by duping poor people into buying stuff they don’t need: Corporate Software Engineer
  10. Find as many synonyms for “explosion” as possible: Novelist for Teenage Boys
  11. Supervise the guys and gals who try to protect the good people from the bad, only to be hated by the good people AND the bad: Police Sergeant
  12. Make corporate propaganda feel like folksy truthisms: TV Ad Director
  13. Manage waste recycling, promotion & sales: Antiques Dealer
  14. Arrive after the battle and bayonet all the wounded: Auditor
  15. Sell gas: Energy and Telecom Business Analyst
  16. Tell forty year-old men it’s okay to behave like fourteen year-old school girls: Printing Press Production Coordinator
  17. Provide arcane information on a need-to-know basis: Chief Accountant
  18. Shepherd clients through the process of setting their products on fire: Consumer Products Tester
  19. Manage urban renewal and pest control: B-52 Bomber pilot
  20. Persuade kids that it’s really fun being wet, cold and scared out of their minds: Sailing Instructor
  21. Draw up plans for something that will not be built according to those plans: Civil Engineer, Transportation Design
  22. Teach kids to be evil…or so they say: Video Game Creator
  23. Ensure that stupid people stay in the gene pool: Lifeguard
  24. Spend most of the day looking out the window: Pilot
  25. Wear a tuxedo and smash metal plates into each other: Musician
  26. Go to strange people’s houses and take their money: Pizza Delivery Boy
  27. Sell gluttony: Cinema Concession Stand Attendant
  28. Tell people that they can’t spend money they thought they had: Government Analyst
  29. Take pictures of the unlucky and the stupid: X-ray Technician
  30. Profit from the misfortunes of others: Cops and Courts Reporter
  31. Take a simple two-way promise and turn it into several complicated one-way promises which neither side can understand or hope to fulfill: Lawyer
  32. Bring a little rain into the lives of flood victims: Government Debt Collector
  33. Have people spend far more than they estimated: Building Inspector
  34. Make sure nothing ever happens: IT Security
  35. Move things from one tube to another: Microbiologist
  36. Try not to kill the baby: Housewife
  37. Misinterpret the universe: Astronomer
  38. Be a human napkin: Stay-at-home mom of three
  39. Run away and call the police: Security Guard
  40. Copy and paste the Internet: Student
  41. Help people hate each other: Divorce Lawyer (Scott Adams’ favorite)
  42. Stand on a field and get yelled at for hours: Baseball Umpire
  43. Talk in other people’s sleep: College Professor
  44. Call people who know what they’re doing and ask them what they’re doing: Incident Manager
  45. Show people how beautiful the Earth would be without them: Mountain Landscape Photographer/Climber
  46. Make people feel bad about their work: Quality Assurance Tester
  47. Repeatedly fix what you repeatedly break: IT Director
  48. Clean up an animal that makes more money then me in a year: Assistant Horse Trainer
  49. Write words that no one wants to read: Technical Writer
  50. Make food that is as healthy before it goes in your body as when it comes back out: Fast Food Employee
Taken from the internet :P
What’s your job description?

What is the definition of an “open relationship”?

I put this question up on Facebook the other day and was surprised and shocked by some of the answers.

So just wanting to do some research on what you think the definition is of an open relationship… please take the time to cast your vote. Remember all answers will be anonymous.

Post and results will follow soon.

They keep ruining my sleep.

I keep getting told of for sleeping too much and I really don’t see what the problem is.

I love to sleep, I plan my day around my sleeping. Most of the time all I think about  the next time I can get a chance to lie down and get some more sleep. It’s just the way I am and always have been.

I think one of the issues is that I go to bed really late at night and am back up early next morning, so I end up spending the rest of the day making up for it.

What I hate is being prevented from sleeping or being disturbed from it, that’s really annoying and irritating. The people in my house have learnt not to mess with me when I’m tired and grumpy or disturb me when I’m sleeping. Otherwise I’m just a really nice person :P

But apart from nagging family and friends ruining your sleep these are other things that can ruin your sleep too.

Use your bedroom as a stimulating multipurpose room. Filling your bedroom with televisions, gaming systems, computers, telephones, and other gadgets will ensure a plethora of stimulation will be at hand. Unfortunately, none of these will help you to sleep better. Using them just prior to bed will prompt your brain to be active, and this is the last thing you need to fall asleep. I must say I take my iPhone to bed and have a TV in my room and I have no trouble falling asleep. :P
Eat a large meal or drink lots of fluids right before bed. There’s nothing like a full bladder or stomach to disrupt your sleep. Getting up to urinate will interrupt sound rest, so drinking too much before bed may mean multiple trips to the bathroom during the night. Eating a large meal near bedtime may provoke heartburn symptoms when you lie down that can make you uncomfortable. Taking a pillow to the bathroom sometimes helps :P
When you can’t sleep, just lie there and suffer. If you are having trouble getting to sleep, the last thing you need to do is lie there awake. If this happens chronically, as may occur in insomnia, you may learn to associate your bed with anxiety and not being asleep. Rather than tossing and turning, try a relaxing activity like reading. Or call a mate and have a chin wag :P
I have one of these issues just about every night when I try to sleep somewhere that is too cold, too warm, or too noisy. It’s no use trying to sleep somewhere that is stimulating to our senses. If the stereo is blaring, the lights are on, and it’s stifling, how can you expect to sleep? Subtle variations on this theme will likewise make it hard to catch a few winks. The other night I was freezing when the power went. I was awake all night. 
Take prolonged naps. This one may be a little controversial. Some cultures promote the midday nap, and many people swear by them. If you sleep well at night, it may not be a problem. However, if you are having trouble sleeping then, the last thing you need to do is to add fuel to the fire by sleeping some during the day. Naps diminish your ability to sleep at night, and excessive daytime sleepiness may suggest a sleep disorder.
Enjoy an alcoholic drink, cup of coffee, or cigarette just prior to bed. Though grandpa may have always enjoyed an alcoholic “nightcap” to get to sleep, this is actually not helpful. It may cause you to feel a little drowsy, but it fragments the stages of your sleep and makes it more disrupted. Caffeinated beverages like coffee, tea, soda pop, and foods like chocolate work as stimulants to keep you awake. Likewise, nicotine from a cigarette will ruin your ability to sleep, and the craving associated with withdrawal may wake you during the night. These things should be avoided in the six hours before bed. I think I need to stop drinking diet coke, it might be what my problem is. :(
When you get busy, just sleep less. We all get busy for different reasons, and it’s easy to find extra time in the day by sleeping less. Why waste eight hours in bed? Wouldn’t you rather be watching television, playing on the internet, or spending time with your friends or family? Unfortunately the quality of the time we spend awake is significantly impacted by not getting enough rest. If you cut back on sleep, you may find that you aren’t gaining much if you spend the day bleary-eyed and befuddled. I seem to be that way anyway no matter how much I sleep :(
Stay active until the moment you hop into bed. Sleep is a quiet, relaxing activity, so it doesn’t make much sense to try to transition to that directly from something that is quite the opposite. Our bodies don’t do well with abrupt changes. The same is true for getting ready to sleep. Quiet sleep rituals such as reading, listening to calming music, or taking a nice bath helps prepare us mentally and physically for sleep. If I take a bath or shower I’m wide awake!

Exercise before bed. Although it is ideal to exercise every day — and this will likely ensure a good night’s sleep — doing it right before bed is a bad idea. It causes difficulties as your body will be revved up when you should be winding down. I’m too lazy to exercise. 

Vary your sleep time from one day to the next.We are creatures of habit, and our sleep is no exception. If you go to bed and get up at different times every day, your body will have no sense of when it is supposed to feel tired and sleep. This ultimately depends on our natural clock called the circadian rhythm, and varying the times we are asleep can negatively influence it. By keeping a consistent schedule, we are able to sleep better.
So there you have it, if you want to sleep well and undisturbed these are some great tips. Taken from net but most of these are common sense things anyway. Wish everyone to sleep well just like me. :P

I have learned.

I’ve learned-
that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back.

I’ve learned-
that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I’ve learned-
that it’s not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.

I’ve learned-
that you should never ruin an apology with an excuse.

I’ve learned-
that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better know something.

I’ve learned-
that you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do.

I’ve learned-
that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I’ve learned-
that it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I’ve learned-
that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I’ve learned-
that you can keep going long after you can’t.

I’ve learned-
that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I’ve learned-
that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I’ve learned-
that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I’ve learned-
that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I’ve learned-
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I’ve learned-
that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I’ve learned-
that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I’ve learned-
that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I’ve learned-
that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I’ve learned-
that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I’ve learned-
that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I’ve learned-
that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.

I’ve learned-
that your family won’t always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren’t related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren’t biological.

I’ve learned-
that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you are to learn to forgive yourself.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I’ve learned-
that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I’ve learned-
that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.

I’ve learned-
that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

I’ve learned-
that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I’ve learned-
that you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I’ve learned-
that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.

I’ve learned-
that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I’ve learned-
that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I’ve learned-
that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I’ve learned-
that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings, and standing up for what you believe.

I’ve learned-
that people will forget what you said, and people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

By Umar B Washington.

What is your secret desire?