Who are you really?

If we all could choose to be anyone we wanted to be who would we choose? Or what would we want to be? Or could we simply think “no this is who I am and I’m sticking with it!”

I recently came across something disturbing and realised that as much as we think we know someone how well do we know them? When we doubt their authenticity and its being denied do we trust our instincts or do we choose to trust the very person we doubt?

I think I knew from day one that all was not right. But decided to give the benefit of doubt. I didn’t really care to be honest. After all Internet friendships/relationships come with certain elements of fantasies and extravaganza. So what the hell if someone wants to pretend they are someone or something else.

But as time goes you get tired of the pretence. It gets to the stage you just want a little bit of genuineness and some honesty. For someone to just take your friendship seriously and respect you enough to reveal their true selves. To know and trust you when you say “I know, but it doesn’t matter, lets just be honest with one another”

Sadness is when they’re not ready or too scared to step out of the trap they find themselves in, to move into a genuine honest and unconditional friendship. What they don’t realise that eventually they too will tire of the pretence, lies, cover ups and fantasies and by then it will be too late they will have gone too far and too deep to turn back.

So what does that say about them or us? What sort of society do we live on where we fear to be ourselves and pretend to be someone else? Is it that we feel that we will only be accepted if we are beautiful/handsome, rich, desired or amazing?

I guess the Internet allows people to deal with insecurities in the worst way possible. Rather than trying to be ourselves many have found this medium to hide their true identities and live in a world that while appears fun and amazing you eventually realise its just a painful fantasy that will never come true and one u can never escape from. It’s heaven trapped in hell.

Open Relationships – results

Not long ago I did a post asking you readers to define what in your opinion was an open relationship…

The reason I asked because as you all know I’m a Facebook freak and through using fb I end up ranting and raving about it. One of the things I noticed was that many guys and girls were using “open relationship” as their relationship status.

I kept thinking how can conservative/religious people and people from strict backgrounds and youngsters be in open relationships, it just didn’t make sense. I know the world is changing but I also know that many can’t be that open minded and then broadcast it openly on Facebook, because let’s face it most of us know what the definition is of an open relationship. If not then here it is…

An open relationship is when you are with someone yet are free to see other people. No, it’s not friends with benefits because this means you are not in a relationship with this person but simply get together when it suits you. Where as, an open relationship is where you are in a relationship with this person but you are also in agreement that it’s ok to see other people. Hope that clears it up for anyone who is having any confusion over this. The poll results I will tell you about in a minute.

So, going back to Facebook, I decided to ask a few of these people what they meant by stating publicly that they are in fact in an open relationship. One guy replied… “It means I am open to a relationship”… I had to stifle my giggles. I tried to explain to  him what it really meant but he thought he was right.. so I left him to it… let him be the despo plonker he sounds like…

Ok.. so.. anyway next person… (yeah he did piss me off.. I hate it when people don’t listen to me!) The next person I asked said “It means my relationship is open” This sounded better.. I ventured further and asked what do you really mean? (I thought… he doesn’t look that clever so let’s be sure he knows what he’s talking about) He then told me with great relish it means he is open to have sex with a girl. I asked “Do yo mean lots of girls?” He replies with astonishment “Have you no shame? Of course not… only one girl will be enough! If I can get one… I am open to lots of sex” ok enough said

A few others I asked thought it meant you are bisexual but none who displayed this as their status actually were in open relationships or knew exactly what it meant and not many wanted their partners sleeping with other people.

It was quite a day defining the true meaning to them.. I really should become a lecturer, I think I’d do a grand job!

So the final results of my poll… the question asked was…

A whopping 64% of you knew what the answer was and the rest of you were divided between friends with benefits or open to a relationship with no limits where anything goes. 4% of you thought it meant same sex and another 4% weren’t sure… so all in all most of you are aware of the definition… it’s just numpties on Facebook who don’t have a clue…

If you don’t have Facebook you can’t be our friend.

I’m fed up with those conversations you hear between people. One starts talking and the other will say “yeah yeah I read all about it on fb” that just kills the conversation.

Fb really has killed the art of conversation between people. It’s like there is nothing left to talk about anymore because everybody already knows your business, even people who you didn’t think read your wall, do. They know more about you than you do.

I know social networks do serve a genuine purpose but I personally do believe they have taken over people’s personal lives too.

Gone were the days gossip was passed word of mouth and bitching was done behind closed doors. Now if you don’t have a fb you’re left out and don’t fit in.

It’s almost used as a reference to every conversation one is having. Either it was on Facebook or you’re told to check fb first before you can be part of the main topic at hand.

So nowadays it’s update yourself on fb goings on and then try to be part of a social circle… Oops sorry fb is the social circle.

Even your priest follows you…

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Has This Happened To You?

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This pic reminds of those times you see someone’s profile picture and think “WOW!!!! This person looks super hot/sexy” instantly your curiosity and interest is triggered. You send a friend request on FB or add them on twitter or google+. You can’t wait to talk to them finally they accept your request or you accept theirs if they had already sent one. Then you decide to take a closer look at their photo albums (because you just have to see more of this person) and feel the wind going out your sails.

Why do people do this? Put up amazing super awesome profile pics. Then put up albums of themselves that look nothing like their profile pics? Are you following me?

So what if one day the camera was kind to you and made you look like a film star/pop star/model… It isn’t really you!! You are leading people into an illusion that only leads to disappointment.

Either keep the illusion going that you are looking freakingly awesome and post pics of that calibre inside your profile as well… or… Just post pictures of where you look normal and the camera captured your natural normal everyday look and not your film star look. Then people like me won’t have that build up and let down that we get when we click on you.

Maybe I’m being a bit over the top but this is really starting to annoy me. Got it off my chest now so feel much better already ;)

My week on twitter.

While taking time out from blogging and the world I went to hang out on twitter and I think I may have screwed my head up more but I discovered a few things too.

I always say you have to try something once and twitter I just wasn’t interested in. I made my account for my blog and my nieces ran it for me untill a few weeks ago, then I took control. They already had followers and were following roughly the same amount of people. I decided to give it a try finally, as I was looking for a change.

When they gave me control of the account they made it perfectly clear the one golden cardinal rule of twitter is…. ” Never follow more people than what you are being followedby ” Ok got it! so basically if I have 500 followers i have to keep the people I’m following lower than that… ok that also means if I want to follow someone I have to either up my followers or delete some of the peeps im following. Do you get it? eh don’t worry it’s annoying I know. But I did notice many people weren’t following this cardinal rule so what the hell, I thought let’s just enjoy twitter, to hell with teeny boppy rules and being uncool.

Like a fb wall you have a twitter time line. I was following 500 people and my god u cant keep up.

If you don’t pay attention for a few minutes it’s like you’ve missed a lifetime of tweets. The notifications can hit anything up to 200 in the space of 2/3 minutes. And most of it was not even interesting.

I mean how much trash can a person tweet? I can understand you talking to other tweeters but some people just jibber away, whether they get a reply or not.

I quickly realised I don’t like talking to myself, basically I need attention. I made some good friends there, found some old ones and fell out with a few too. Not bad considering I’d really only been there a week. But twitter is basically for those who exist only in the centre of their own universe and nobody else exists alongside them.

How can you tweet all day long with no one retweeting your tweets or replying you? What do you get out of it? There is one guy there who I must applaud for staying awake 24/7. He spits those tweets out like nobodys business. He tweets while he is eating, walking, sitting, shitting. How do I know? because he tweets every few seconds. Just quote after quote after quote. I was wondering how he manages this. Could there be an auto service on this? Or perhaps more people running the same account in different time zones. Perhaps that’s how manages round the clock tweeting.

They’re are quite a few who do the quote tweets, and it’s not just a quote here or there, they are non stop. I mean get a life!

My timeline was being trashed by these little selanators and bliebers. ( my nieces are fans ) They constantly tweet about how much they love one or the other or despise one or the other.

I learnt selina and justin are dating (or were ) and bliebers hate selina because they whole heartedly believe that selina is “ugly” and “talentless” and “is using Justin” Anyway I got sick of it and against my nieces wishes ( they warned me to not unfollow them as they will then unfollow me ) I started to unfollow anyone who had selenatar or blieber in their username or mentioned them in their tweets.

After I unfollowed about four of these weirdos my timeline stood still and went dead. It stopped moving. Completely. I tried to refresh, nothing. I signed in and out, nothing. Turned the phone on and off, nothing. Checked I was still connected to my wifi, it was but nothing. I even downloaded another twitter aap, yet still nothing.

Then it hit me, it was these four little brats that were wrecking havoc on my timeline, totally spamming it and trashing it. After a little while it did move again but not with the speed it was before.

Another person who never shuts up on twitter is PierceMorgan… I can understand little bliebers and selenators tweeting non stop about their crush and passion but what excuse does a grown man have? All I can say to him is… get some sleep. He is there 24/7 tweeting and tweeting and tweeting. Get some help too Pierce!!

Anyway I then discovered you can have lists, make a list and add who you want into them and then you have your very own customised time line. Well I wish someone had told me this before. So I made the effort and made 3 lists and what’s great is the lists can be private or public. I’m keeping mines private, simply because I can :P

  • One was for the quoters, because some of them are good quotes and funny too.
  • The Second one was for the celebrities I like and follow or just find interesting.
  • The third was for my mates.

Viola! problem of a spammy time line sorted. Could kick myself for not having done it earlier. But I’ve lost my interest in twitter, like I said I don’t like talking to myself. I do that enough in my own head, so why do I need twitter to do it more.

I think I will stick to blogging and Facebook. I will on the odd occasion check in on twitter. If anyone mentions me there I will happily reply but I refuse to talk to myself there as it just doesn’t make sense to me.

I can understand celebrities and businesses tweeting to get a point across but normal people shouldn’t talk to themselves.

Speaking of celebrities. One last thing Now if you are going to have twitter accounts for your loyal fans at least have the decency to reply back to them when they are begging for your attention relentlessly. You are fine tweeting other famous celebrities but whats wrong with replying to a keen little kid who loves you like crazy and just wants you to answer a question or a mention? I mean just add them all and make your lists like I did. Seriously, some of you don’t deserve the love and devotion you get from your loyal followers.

I was really annoyed at how a lot of these celebrities just ignore people tweeting them but as soon as another celebrity tweets all the celebrities join in but ignore everyone else. So arrogant!!

Anyways that’s my thoughts and feelings on twitter. If you want to share your own on this matter please feel free to do so. Look forward to hearing from you.

Powercut froze me to death.

Last night was just awful, I thought I was going to freeze to death.

I was woken by my mobile phone ringing at around 4am. I ignored the call, I mean who the hell calls you at that time? If it’s an emergency they will call back or try one of our other numbers.

Sure enough seconds later I hear my brothers phone ring from the other room. While straining to hear the conversation i realised that outside a few people’s house alarms had gone off. Power cut I thought. Then my brother confirmed it and also told me ours had gone off too and I needed to go downstairs with him to switch it of.

In my delusioned head I’m thinking why does he need my help? Does he think we have burglars? So just to be on the safe side I grabbed the baseball bat I keep down the side of my bed ( Er… It’s there in case someone throws me a ball at night… What? I thought everyone kept one there! )

He Flashes his mobile light on me in the dark and tells me to put the dam thing away but I refuse. I tell him it’s for our protection. He replies I’m more worried you’ll end up swinging for me in the dark. I just had to giggle. I ask him why he wants me to come down and he tells me ” coz you know where the bloody candles are, I don’t!” duh!! Typical male.

So of we go down the stairs and the alarm is just getting louder and louder. It’s pitch black and we’re both Using our mobiles as lights and they keep bloody going off. I quickly locate some candles under the kitchen sink and light them.

The alarm box is located in the kitchen store cupboard. As soon as he opens the door the noise is deafening. He quickly punches in the code and nothing happens. So he does it again, again nothing. By tUhis time I can feel the noise piercing my ears, it’s really deafening and painful.

He tries a few times more and eventually we realise without any electricity the alarm won’t go of. The noise is so bad I start feeling sick. He just closes the door over tightly which sort of deafens the noise a bit.

It also occurs to me just how cold it is, in the confusion I’ve forgotten to put on slippers and my housecoat. So I go to turn the heating on and nothing. Same problem, without power it won’t come on. Tried to turn on the cooker and realised also no ignition to ignite the gas.

I checked on my nephews who sleep downstairs. It was the older one that had called upstairs to say that the alarm had gone off. Set up a candle for him and told him to stay in bed as its freezing cold. Outside it’s all frosty, temp is -3!

My brother checked that all windows and doors are secure. I made my way back up to bed, I was freezing cold and shivering. I climb into bed and although I only left my bed not even for 10 minutes my bed was ice cold.

I wrapped myself up in my blankets but I was chilled to the bone and the noise from the alarm was driving me crazy. Eventually I got up and put a jumper on and some socks but no such luck. It was like my bed was outside. I could’ve sworn that the outside was probably warmer.

Of those of you who know me well will know I’m always cold and hate being cold. This was just too much. I considered a hot shower but that’s electric too.

Finally after an hour the alarm stopped itself and the power returns just around 6am. I’m thinking great the heating will come on soon with the timer and soon all will be warm. Thinking this I dose off.

I wake up at 7.30 and it’s still ice cold, so cold Infact I can’t even get out of bed. I drag myself downstairs to see what the problem is and realise someone has messed with timer. Aaarrgghhhh!!!

I did switch it on but it was too late as everyone was waking up and the house would take its time heating up. :(

We all had to get ready this morning in the freezing cold. It was one grumpy irritated household.

Not a great start to a Monday morning. :(

Ignoring Bullies Really Does Work

I was reading on someone’s blog earlier today about how everyone keeps giving advice to just ignore the people who are winding you up and getting on your nerves. This person was looking for other advice to their problem.

My response was ignoring is best, as it really does work. Now I know this not because I have been on the receiving end of such bad luck so much but I do remember dishing it out once.

Let me share with you.

I was 16 and at college, there was this girl there that just got on my freakin nerves. I don’t know why but she just rubbed me up the wrong way. Sometimes you meet someone in life and they grate on you like someone running their nails down a black board or a drill drilling through metal, well this was one of those times.

Usually even at that young age if someone wound me up or irritated me I would just be a proper bitch back to them and found it really funny because the banter would be fun, I’d always get the upper hand ( coz I’m sharp, very sharp ok ) what? why the raised eyebrows? Yeah I’m all grown up now but this was when I was young, sort of naive and 16 and I’ve calmed down a lot since then. ( That’s why I can tell the story now)

Anyway let me carry on. :P

I can’t even remember her name but she was kinda cute and pretty and wore this long purple coat no matter what the weather. She also carried a briefcase and would hold her body so stuff and straight. What I clearly remember is that she had a head shaped like an egg. Yeah, a proper egg.

We never had classes together but did hang about in the same area but she was always on her own, I invited her over to join our group but she would always decline, she would just stand poker straight and never sit down anywhere. I used to think she took classes standing up too. So I would stand and chat with her and discovered that she was the cousin of a guy I was at school with called shezi.

Now Shezi was a really troubled dude and used to drink a lot, I always remember him drunk so I wanted to know how he was doing and she would just get all sarcy and narcy with me. I think that was the start of our downfall as friends.

Now, don’t get me wrong I tried to be nice but god only knows what she got into her egg head because she started drawing me dirty looks and daggers. So being the way I was, not taking crap from no one and having to always have the upper hand in front of my friends I would ask her what she was staring at. etc etc.

She would turn her back on me and refuse to reply. It just spurred me on even more. Thing is I’m not a bully but I know now that I did start to bully her mercifully. I never missed or wasted an opportunity to have a go at her and I wasn’t the only one, there were others too.

I think what spurned me on the most was the fact that I couldn’t get a response out of her. She continuously ignored me and would always turn her back on me, even if it meant her facing the wall.

Slowly the fun started to go out of teasing her. When friends would point her out to me and say let’s go get egg head I found myself saying “What’s the point, she is boring”

One day my mom sent me out for some milk to our local corner shop and I bumped into Shezi, first thing that I blurted out was “Your cousin is such a weirdo!” and continued into a tirade of abuse and complaints about her. He said that she is a pain in the ass bla bla. He actually agreed with me.

Next day back at college I went looking for her and I as soon as I saw her I made a bee line for her. As soon as she noticed me she turned and faced the wall and I knew straight it was pointless as she was going to ignore me again. I tried anyway and told her what Shezi said about her and it’s true you are a pain in the ass etc. I pushed her but no reaction and now for some reason I was getting really mad and then suddenly I seen her hand shake and new I’d gone too far. She was petrified of me and I only just noticed it, I think finally getting a reaction from her just gave me some satisfaction that I did have an effect on her. It was enough for me at that point and after that I left her to it.

Something inside me sort of came to light too and for a while it was hard as a 16 year to process but I knew what I’d done was wrong, in fact always knew but just ignored it. There was something else though and it bugged me untill I finally realised what it was.

It was the fact that she showed so much resilience to me and never gave a reaction till that day. She was ignoring as we are always taught to do when we are being bullied and boy did she carry it out. Also her cousin pointed out to me that no “one likes her everyone picks on her, she is a pain” So she did know what she was doing because I wasn’t the first person she had come across that took this attitude with her. She was just different to others and knew what she wanted and what she didn’t. I was just too naive and immature to see it or respect it.

That was a decade ago and im all grown up now. When I look back I admire her guts, patience and resilience. I learnt something from her and I will never forget what she taught me, that ignoring does work.

I wasn’t a bully but for some odd reason I bullied her because she appeared weak and stupid but in all honesty she is the strongest person to this day that I’d ever met. After my encounter with her I knew how to deal with negative people who came into my life and made my life a misery. I’ve never given a reaction to anyone who is looking for one. I know they will eventually get bored, tired and bugger off and leave me alone.

While writing this post I suddenly remembered her name it was Salma. I did some years later come across her in town one day. She was coming my way and I just stopped dead in front of her and smiled. I straightway saw the panic in her eyes and she still ignored me while I tried to apologise to her and ask how she was doing.

I was quite disgusted with myself that I made her life a misery that even years later she refuses to speak to me… frankly I don’t blame her. What I wont forget and will always be thankful for is the lesson she taught me.